We broke up amicably in April of this year and have been living quite happily as flatmates ever since.
This morning at 3am he left with a van full of his belongings to move in with his new girlfriend, who lives 300 miles away.
The breakup has been a mix of traumatic and very very easy. Neither of us hold any ill will towards the other. We still love and like each other very much as friends. We just grew apart and changed, and found that our new personalities and lifestyles didn’t mesh as well as they used to. Our infertility problems inevitably put a lot of pressure on our relationship and, conversely, in the end they were pretty much the only thing holding us together. It took a crisis (which I won’t go into, far too complex and personal) to force us to finally accept that our relationship wasn’t going to get better no matter how much we worked on it or wanted it to, and that if we stayed together both of us would remain unhappy. That’s not what life is meant to be about.
The hardest thing about our breakup has been letting go of my best friend, the potential and our plans, and the chance to live the reality of what I wanted so badly – a family. I guess I’ll update that over on my have a baby goal.
So as of today I am living alone. I’ve never lived alone and I’ve always wanted to. It’s going to be a struggle financially, since my salary isn’t enough to manage on. And emotionally it’ll definitely be a struggle. HA has been my closest friend and partner for six years. I’ll miss him horribly. Waking up this morning to an empty house was pretty unpleasant. And my local close friendships have collapsed in the past few months too, some, I suspect, irreparably, so I don’t really have any support system in place. I’ll miss HA horribly and I fear never seeing him again. I hope that won’t be the case – he is still incredibly important to me, and I think I am to him too.
There is some light at the end of the tunnel though. I do have a new boyfriend and he is amazing. I shall call him GG, though that is not his name nor his initials. I met him a couple of months after the split and he’s just what I need – so much ridiculous fun, smart, interesting, motivated, outgoing, kind, supportive, loving, silly and utterly filthy. And ginger, with a beard, which is important. I love him very much, and he is helping to restore my faith in relationships after the long slow crumbling torture of my last one collapsing. I am concentrating on having fun, with or without him, and finding out who I am again. As much as I loved HA (still do, in a different way}, I became lost in our relationship problems, and in infertility. I’m looking forward to being myself again.