go to bed and go to sleep, instead of lying in bed for hours staring at the ceiling because my brain won’t stop

Now I remember my dreams every night. Gosh, It’s hell…I wake up so tired…like i’ve been running. The funny thing is i’ve tried to stop fantasizing and daydreaming sexual things…and when i dream…Lord. It’s horribly delicious…but i feel guilty…

I had a dream that i was in a hotel and every level was a swimming pool. I went to each level, and when i walked through the halls, it was as if i was at the aquarium looking at the water through a wall.

People were drowning.

I wasn’t eager to rescue them… (!)

But when my room started filling up with water, i didn’t panic. I just climbed out of the water in this tiny slot at the top of the wall.

Why are almost all my dreams deal with narrow escape?

Last week it was fires.
Another week…tractor trailers…

?

Well, my uncle died. It was sad, but he was in a lot of pain, so it was for the best…i suppose.

Which really had me thinking why people get cancer. WHY. It doesn’t make any sense. I’ve heard people say that it’s because of the lifestyle they’ve lived…but who has the right to judge someone about the way they’re living? Oh, you think you’re a saint because you’re not gay? What about that time you was thinking about having sex with someone? Oh, being gay is “more sinful” than thinking sexual thoughts? What about when you lied? Oh…I’m sorry…you never lie..eh?

IT GETS ON MY NERVES> who has the right to say someone’s sick because of what they’ve did. Make NO SENSE.
.
.
.
I miss her.
...at least it’s not as gut wrenching as it was two months ago.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt anymore…It still hurts enough to make me cry.

You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes
Made me realize what I could not see...

-Coldplay (blech…yeah, i know. But they’re my guilty pleasure…)