overcome depression

Hit a plateau for about a month. Finally went to the doctor yesterday and asked if I could get my dosage of zoloft upped. I’m now at 150mg and I’m waiting for the side effects to kick in. I think the side effects are horrible but once my body adjusts I like how I am more stable. I only hope after this time I don’t hit another plateau.

My meds are going well but I can’t help but think things could be better. I really need to get back to see my psychiatrist. That’s one thing that makes me feel that they could be better. It’s just so hard for me to drag myself to do things that I have to and have at least a little desire to do.
I also wanted to do therapy. I don’t so much feel that I need that since the meds are so good at leveling me out but there are still things that I’d like to talk through. I try to keep a journal to remind myself of the problems I’d like to work through but I forget alot and I always feel uncomfortable with therapists. I can barely deal with normal people and having to tell them intimate details of my life but I’m supposed to trust some stranger. I’d like to catch a therapist off guard and make them answer all my questions first. In fact, that’s almost an issue I’d like to work through if I could just bring myself to go in.
I’m changing schedules at work which will help me alot too. It’s very helpful to have a normalized schedule.

I have my appointment with my psychiatric nurse tomorrow. I like her alot and I know she’ll only have helpful things to say. I just hope I’m able to express my concerns to her fully. I know she’ll hear me out for as long as it takes but I just hope I remember it all. I need her to know; that I still feel tired all the time, that I still feel I sleep more than I should (when given the opportunity I’ll still sleep for 12 hours easy), that I would possibly like to lower my dosage, that the last time I changed dosage it took about 3 days for my body to adjust and the side effects to go away, what my side effects are, what my goals are supposed to be.

While I’m there I’ll make an appointment with my psychologist too. I like her alot but I just never feel it’s very helpful. I know talking things over with someone who is more knowledgable than me would be helpful, but it seems like when I can actually make it I don’t really have complaints. I try to keep a journal to remember but it seems like even that won’t help because I don’t know what it is about me but it’s almost like I’ll deny certain bad things aloud and to myself. I really need to get myself in there though. I need to make a point to go at least once a week so I can get better at going and at keeping commitments I make. I think I’ll go search for a website that shows you how to prepare for seeing your therapist. I’m assuming there is at least one since there are so many for going to see your regular physician.

I’m afraid I may have hit a plateau. I’ve stopped making progress and may have even regressed a little. It’s hard to get out of my bed still. Things that I know I need to do e.g. laundry, job, therapy, are still so hard to get done. All I want to do is lay around and I always feel tired. I would also like to incorporate exercise into my overall treatment but that is hard to start too. Even though I know I’ll feel better if I do it it’s hard start. I’m probably going to see what my psychiatrist has to say. I’ve only had one appointment with her but she really won my confidence fast. Another goal is to make more friends and I feel as though it’s too hard and even if I could make some I’d be a burden for them at the moment. I felt the same about getting a boyfriend but I did get one and he is a huge help. I feel if I had a friend who was committed to getting me up and out of my house it would be really helpful. Well I guess baby steps. I can start tomorrow by simply taking a walk and making an appointment with my psychiatrist.

Well I started therapy and my therapist also had me go see the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist upped my dosage of zoloft. She said it should be helping more than it is. I would be happy if it helped more but it’s already helped so much. I’ve only met with my therapist once and I like her but I’m not sure how much help it will be. As much as I hate Dr. Phil I wonder if maybe I shouldn’t just “get over” my problems.

Well, I’m supposed to be starting therapy soon. That is as soon as I get paired with a therapist here at the college. I’ve been writing alot in my journal more and it helps alot. I think once I start therapy I will be good, this time finally.

I’ve been doing so much better… I’m so happy with the results of the zoloft. I thought that maybe I could get by on my own but with the zoloft I didn’t even have to try. I know I still have issues to work through but I’m no longer sad for no reason. It feels fantastic. For anything who thinks there isn’t a treatment for them, I am a testament otherwise; it took three tries but I finally found an anti-depressant that worked for me. I encourage anyone who even thinks they may have depression to see a doctor immediately and to also see a psychiatrist. Vital steps in overcoming depression.

Well like I’ve said, I’ve tried wellbutrin and lexapro and neither seemed to help. Now I’m on zoloft and it has been helping me alot. My main complaint wasn’t that I was sad but that I was sleeping 12-14 hours a day and was very lethargic. So far I’m nearly better I’m still sleeping about 10 hours a day but I can go to bed earlier and get up earlier than I could and when I’m out of bed now I’m not a worthless pile. I’ve found I can clean again and I’ve started working out again which is a regular activity for me during the summer. I’m going to give it until this first bottle is empty to declare myself good. I’m hoping I’ll be back to my old self by then. Even with all these changes now I feel I’m exponentially better than I was a month ago.

I’m starting to wonder if maybe I am bipolar and not just depressed. I go through periods when I’m in a very good mood (sometimes helped by alcohol) and then other times where I’m in a very bad mood. Just tonight I was in a very good mood and started talking to someone online and I for whatever reason was being a bitch and when he pointed it out I felt ashamed and horrible but I didn’t apologize which only made me feel worse and I very nearly cried.

I’m going to start psychotherapy soon but my regular doctor won’t be in for a week so I have to wait a while for her to see what she says.

It seems that no doctor took much care in diagnosing me. I always just said that I slept more than I wanted to and they immediately gave me anti-depressants.

I feel as though I’ve relapsed because I was having a very good few days but tonight I feel really bad again.

So far so good with my anti-depressants. My psychological symptoms have really improved already and it’s only been 2 weeks. My physical symptoms could still stand to improve. I haven’t asked my doctor yet about light therapy and wether or not she thinks that will help me.