do a vipassana meditation retreat

So profound, so difficult, so worth it. Everyone’s experience is different. You learn so much about yourself.

And came back alive. It was very profound. I just got back and I’m not quite ready to write about it yet. I will soon. I’m just so excited that I completed the course and gave it my all.

My bags are packed and I’m ready to go. But I’m stalling. I’m not going to sleep. I’m probably afraid of the next steps—when I wake up and have to drive and then have to DO IT! I’m amazed at how apprehensive I am. I guess it’s going to be really, really good.
I’ll let you know…

I leave tomorrow for the 10 days of silence. I’m really scared—petrified, really. But I’m doing it! I know I’ll be different when I get back, that’s for sure. I can use all the support I can get. Bye….....

It’s getting closer and more scary. I can’t imagine how it’s going to feel to be there and sit meditating that long every day. I must be nuts. Whose idea was this anyway?

One thing that is very comforting about going on this retreat is that it doesn’t matter what I wear, if I’m fat or thin, if it’s a good hair day or a bad hair day. I just have to show up, be quiet and sit still. I don’t have to impress anyone or entertain anyone or take care of anyone (except myself). Because of all that it seems incredibly easy. It’s like going on vacation, only better. Sure it’s going to be hard, but so much of it is going to be so easy. I have come to realize how much I am stressed by trying to fit in, trying to be what I think I’m supposed to be, trying, trying, trying….

I’m signed up for a 10-day silent vipassana meditation which starts in 2 1/2 weeks. I can’t even meditate, or even sit still, for a few minutes now. How am I going to sit for hours? Somehow I know I can do it, but it seems so far from my current reality. I know it will show me what I need to see and I’m so excited about that. But I’m still scared!