kiss a girl

I am so lost. I thought I had the “RIGHT ONE” but I am still not sure. I have ZERO confidence.

I have a serious distraction in my life, my need to passionately
kiss a woman. It has been going on for a few years. I just don’t want to kiss ANY woman, I have a handful of girls that give me that wonderful heart racing, flushed & nervous feeling.
The thing that upsets me is that I was so close to having the kiss I desire and I blew it! I was dancing very close to one of the girls I want and feeling her up good and we were both enjoying it. Oh yeah, we were both drinking. Anyways, we saw that the photographer was also enjoying our show (we were @ a wedding) and she said that she wanted a kiss when he took the picture. and I asked if we should open or close our mouths, she just smiled. Well, the photographer came over and I CHOKED!!
I kept my mouth closed and gave her a little peck. I kissed her the same way once more. Then when I was leaving I went over to her and we kissed the same way again. I had my chance and I blew it. We work together and have gone out a few times. There seems to be a strange tension between us, not bad but that of us not knowing what the other wants. She may have the same desires but we really don’t speak of it. For instance, we were going out and she puts in a CD and plays “Let’s Get It On”-the song I danced to with her and felt her up.
I don’t know if the alcohol was a good or bad thing here. For example, if we weren’t drinking, would we have carried on like that @ the wedding OR, did the alcohol lower our inhibitions to allow us to explore our desires?

This is so frustrating…

Oh yeah, I’m married.