control my temper

Okay, I think I’m doing okay in this area. It’s not a total conquer, but I’ve minimized my emotional outburst. However, I have noticed that to avoid over ranting I’ve become withdrawn. I just don’t talk. I shut you out. I don’t let you in. I don’t talk to you.

Last weekend I had an opportunity to control my temper and I did. I approached someone about a bet and they cussed me out and refused to honor the bet. Now, I must admit that part of the reason my temper didn’t flare as much as it could have is beacuse this persons attack caught me totally off guard. Once the full affect of what was said started to sink in, I got really mad, but I walked away instead of letting an ugly situation get uglier. But, now that I walked away, I’m angry. Angry about what happened and I don’t know how to release this anger.

I’m going to use this page as a way to help control my temper.
Today, I received a call from a coworker asking permission to do something that is completely against the rules. I told her, you know the answer. The answer is no. I also asked her why did she ask me that? She stated because someone else really wanted to break the rules. I told her that I would never give permission to break the rules. WTF? Why. Why would she think that I would be 1. dumb enough to say yes and 2. Corrupt enough to agree. We are both intelligent people working for the same company, why would she even come to me to ask me some off the wall bullshit that she knows the answer to. That conversation really got by temper up, but I’m trying to defuse my temper by writing about it here. Hmm, I just thought of something maybe her question has a motive behind it, maybe by asking me permission to do something, which she and I both know is not allowable, maybe, just maybe she’s trying to use me as the fall guy, so she can go back and say “ah30331 says, we can’t do it”. Okay, that’s fine. I stand firm in following the rules, even if others don’t want to and I’ll be the fall guy for someone else who doesn’t have the balls to tell someone else no.

Yesterday, I lost control. I wasn’t in a full blown state of annoyance or anger, but I spent considerable time thinking about the annoyance. The situation went something like this.

Annoying person: I’m trying to find A. Do you have a copy of it.
Me: No, I’m sorry I don’t.
Annoying person: I could have sworn I gave you A. Are you sure you don’t have it?
Me: Yes, I’m sure.
Annoying person: Could you look anyway, could you look in the 2003 file?
Me: Sure, hold on, I’ll get the file. (I look in the file and return to phone). I’m looking at the file and I do not see it.
Annoying person: Honestly?

Okay, this is where my temper begins to rise. What does the annoying person mean by “honestly?”. Did I tell her twice that I didn’t have it, did I look in the file and tell her that it was not there. But, there’s more. . .

Me: Yes, honsetly.
Annoying person: Did you look in the 2004 file?
Me: No, I looked in the 2003 file, like you requested. But, I’ll also look in the 2004 file, hold on while I look. (I look)
Sorry, it’s not there either.
Annoying person: Are you sure?
Me: (really pissed now) Yes, I’m SURE. (This is were my voices raises several octaves and it is clear that I’m irritated, which, is the part that I’m trying to prevent. I don’t want annoying people to know that I’m annoyed and I don’t want to be annoyed but damn it, this is the hardest damn thing to control. Uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.) I can only pray for strength to control my temper.

I just picked up a book titled, Seven Things That Steal Your Joy by Joyce Meyer. I’m hoping this book will help me deal with my temper. In the book joy stealer number 5 is Ungodly Anger. She states, “Angry people come from angry families because they learn from their role models and perpetuate the same behavior in their own lives. . .” That’s so true. I think I learned to express anger from my Grandmother. So now the key is to unlearn this behavior and I don’t think that it will be easy.

Okay, last night I was telling my sweetie, how certain things just get on my nerves. For example, I hate for someone to ask me something, I respond, then they repeat my answer in the form of a question. Now, I have learned that, repeating answers back to the answerer is just a habit with some folks. But, it’s an annoying habit. Here’s how it generally works:

Annoying person: What day does House come on Fox?
Me: Tuesdays at 9
Annoying person: Tuesdays at 9??
Me: (annoyed) Yes, Tuesdays at 9

Now, why does this annoy me? I don’t know. It seems like there shouldn’t be a need for confirmation, the person clearly heard me, so what gives? I just don’t get this. So, what I do, particularly, if I’m on the phone, I just don’t answer. I’m quiet, and I’ve noticed that the annoying person goes on to another topic. I think I hate the repeat my answer in the form of a question thing because it is highly inefficient in my opinion. I hate repeating myself and I become annoyed. I really would like to stop being annoyed liked this but I’m not sure how to go about it? Any suggestions?