post random thoughts

i m ringing my frn for last 15 days… but she is not taking my single call… i called her bro’s no.. he said wrong number… today i tried her home mobile number.. i don’t know who was that lady..she asked me my name n all.. n then said wrong no. :((( :((

i hope everything is fine… i m worried… i don’t understand… i think my mobi is alright… i called other people n those call were all ok…

Last time she talked with me.. she was fine..

-i didn tell mum yet.. i m not coming with her.. my ticket has been canceled n postponded..
-i need to read that book… n.. that toooo..
-need to write down it 1st..
-so much submissions..
-i cant access it..
-how can i complete it.. late is better that never..

-is it like that.. or its only my perception..
-i hate to go there as he looks at me like that..
-why m i upset?
-i don’t want to be..
-thank god now no mosquitoes problem..

-i don’t like to say bye her all the time.. but i can’t live there.. & she won’t come here.. thats not my fault..
-oh god today i will call him .. without fail.
-stop thinking abt that incidence.. u can’t help it..
-i want to complete this chapter now.
-i think i will complete that work at night.. i have done so far..

-today om is not at home..
-sooooo…
-as usual tv will be on till 1or 2 am as usual.. so complete that..
-tommorrow i need to take admission n pay for it..
-even i need to pay for that tooooo..
-n that too…
-it’s only one months there..
-to complete that all things…

today everybody talking abt ‘Ok’s Girlfriend
n i m observing this for many years.. everybody everyone in family goes on guessing who might be that girl.. n i have listen lots of name from others.. all were guesses.. n now this new one.. hope this is final…

& he's one of the person.. you know,, everybody will go on thinking actually who is his GF.. as his behaviour with his every g friend is so much caring n sweet...

i never asked him abt this.. we never talked abt it… but that day he told me something like that.. n i couldnt understand it.. now not remembering.. i was doing somthing. n didnt catch what he actually said..

i don’t know whether these guys confused with too many girls. or what.. but i think some guys behave sweetly to impress others with their sweet talks
& i feel only few can really talk sweet ..
but its always difficult to guess whether they really are or not.. .

One more thing i noticed abt these guys that these guys basically very happy go lucky people.. & what happy go lucky mean.. being happy & make people laugh with finding someone to tease in group.. i always see this.. they need someone for teasing to make others laugh… n when anyone comment on them.. well it’s not fair. they are very sensitive you know !!

even this same.. people enjoy his company as for he’s happy happy guy..
i have some list of these kind of people.. in my life..
i don’t know what those people mean to me..

but get bored n irritated sometimes if i see someone’s get hurt or feel embarrassed or down cause of this teasing.. no one knows how others might have feeling..
i match lots of things with these people.. share lots of interests feelings… but don’t like this.. n i really feel that i don’t like it at all now..

Today mums call me… n asked me to visit her… i want to go but i had much more work to do…

but the pain is worse here.. i think i should go to BDL n stay there at least for one day… as she called n if i wont go she will again misunderstand…

n here i m…..... i don’t know what i wish… rather i know what i wish… but it’s just imagination… it’s only hurts…

better i go n see her.. that she will feel more confidant abt me.. n hope she will b happy seeing me…

Mind is full of thoughts… i m here with all these people… she’s talking to me… asking me to do somthing… but she can’t sense i m not with her…

cup of full tea can’t receive any thing more… if i don’t let go n start with new,,, i won’t learn anymore… n what life’s want to teach now…

— morning

today i don’t have single cheer to give..
well yesterday i had 12 cheer quota though….
i don’t understand when they refill them again…

Same feelings for years… cant say no… what to do ? listen to her or do what is right? need to overcome this problem…

i will go on feeling bad now.. for this… why this has to be…
now i said her.. no… i want to sit.. n i m feeling bad… cause she’s behaving like that…. standing there n looking at me… why i don’t get used to this things…
i m doing here somthing… she has her lappy.. but she will use this comp only..

get used to it… this will happen now.. lots of noise of singing or loud music… n keep that door open…
its ok…

I just went for toilet n she come n sit on comp.. oh god this is very irritating.. what is this? if i ask her to get up… she says this is not way to talk… don’t be so arrogant,,, n bossy… ohhhh then how to ask her to get up….

I don’t where my path may lead me?

i m not pragmatic… i can’t plan for my future…
i get frustrated in thinking abt future.. i dn’t have any future… i can’t plan things n do them… i only can live in present…

thinking abt future makes me depressed… cause my intuitions says different things than i wish…

i don’t know… i can’t think about this question.. what do i want to become?
what i want to get out of my life?
everybody is all very planed… but i m not..

for current state—i just want to b free from all attractions,, infatuations,, & i know only way to get free from them is to accept them & know them..

i want to b alone… b with myself… listen to me…
just want some break so i can realize what i want…

cause only i have to travel my life path.. n i cant expect all the time that it should be like others…

13 dec 08 morning…

She had gone to watch movie Rab ne bana di jodi…
she came n go on telling me… very bakvas.. bakvas.. bakvas… that is-boring, useless, waste of time, etc …
i don’t know how many times she said that word.. ...
i got very irritated.. i just didn want to see her in front of me…
1st n main thing was i didnt asked her single thing abt that movie… i was knowing she ‘d come to me n say that thing…

n amazingly as per her review that movie is bakwas… mean that movie is definitely going to be interesting for me.. but i m not all in mood to watch such kind of movies..
she was went with her friends then she’d have talk with her friend…

there r very few things i feel they r boring… i mean i m interested in every single thing.. n i look good in them… but now i realized.. i get bored with succh kind of people…

3 pm