practice these principles

I have been sober since April 20, 2005. It was the best decision I ever made. If it wasn’t for the fact that people in my RL keep finding “stay sober” on my 43 things list that would be the name of this goal.

My new real goal is to start going to AA meetings again. I fired my sponsor last January and immediately quit going to meetings. I haven’t set foot in a meeting since July. I don’t want to start drinking again but I don’t know if I’m ready for the Cult of AA. It’s a bit much sometimes.

I have been thinking about removing this goal from my list altogether since people keep finding it who I know in “real life” but whatever.

Yes, I made 6 months. I moved cross-country with three months. I have a home group, a sponsor, and a service committment. I am not doing any step work and it’s driving me nuts, but my sponsor wants me to learn to let go. It’s very, very hard for me to do so. So she’s right to make me wait on it although it’s frustrating as all get out.

And I am so happy I quit drinking. I can’t believe I made it this long. This is the longest I have been sober since 1993.

Although I don’t feel like everything is perfect – “the promises” are still out there – I am very happy to be sober today.

Still sober! I have 46 days today!

• My skin is totally awesome. It’s completely clear and soft. I look younger.
• I’ve lost weight. Not huge amounts, but a bit (maybe 5-6 pounds).
• My mood is more consistent. I don’t get the high highs, but I don’t get the low lows either.
• No hangovers = amazing. I’m much more productive.
• I don’t really enjoy going out as much, I have to say. But I enjoy being alone more. My tolerance for drunk people has significantly dropped.
• I’m becoming a total AA nerd. I really enjoy my meetings and I like my step work, etc. I also don’t care who knows I am in AA, which is a big deal from the beginning when I was pretty ashamed of it.
• I haven’t done anything stupid. No hooking up with randoms, no falling down and hurting myself, no spending oodles of money I don’t have (I’m flat broke, but that seems to be more coincidental than anything else, but if I was drinking it would be way worse), no ending up at some biker tweaker’s house at 4 a.m. doing lines.
• I’m still adjusting to the “new me”. I don’t really feel not like myself, but the fact that being a drinker was such a huge part of my identity still kind of gets to me. Is that all I thought I was worth? Just being drunk all the time? I’m still getting used to the removal of the romance of alcohol from my life.

Overall I’m very glad I quit drinking. If you’re thinking about it, see if you can quit for a week. Go to an AA meeting or two in your neighborhood. It’s not as scary as it seems, I promise.

I got my 30 day chip last Thursday.