be brave

this was kind of scary, but really fun. I’m surprised I was up for it, because I won’t usually do stuff like that if there aren’t any seatbelts or anything.

It might seem like a little, insignificant thing to some people, but this was huge for me. I volunteered to read the Scripture reading today in Sunday school! I always feel bad because I feel like I want to do it, but I get nervous and someone always jumps in and volunteers before I get enough nerve to do it myself. It felt like such a rush. I’m so glad today I just took a deep breath and did it.

It really freaks me out to be flying tomorrow, but I am getting a bit of a thrill out of it, too. It feels good to strike out on my own like this. I don’t think I would want to have it any other way, but I still have this freaky evil little voice telling me I might not make it through tommorrow. I guess, if I don’t, I don’t. It would turn out just peachy for me, but I would feel terrible for everyone else.

I wish I wasn’t such a nervous wreck all the time. I get rattled when I even think about driving, I hate to speak my mind, I’m not crazy about flying, public speaking, heck, even speaking up in a group, period. I am 32 years old and married with three kids and I feel nervous about dancing with the best man in my sister’s wedding. It’s just ridiculous how NOT brave I am. I’m so tired of this social anxiety crippling my life. This is not the way I want to live anymore.

but only if Jesus has got my back! I need to start seriously praying a lot more about this.

just make sure whatever it is you want to be brave is so important to, something you are so passionate about, that you can’t imagine backing down or giving up. I was talking to my husband the other about Virginia Tech and how we wished someone had stood up and rushed the gunman, but they didn’t. I said that sometimes I feel like if someone put me in a position where my life was threatened, I wouldn’t be very brave, either. I think a lot about what I would do if someone put a gun to my head and asked me if I love Jesus. Would I be brave and risk being martyred for my faith, or would I be like Peter, and deny Him just to save my life? I broke into tears just considering that awful possibility. Later, I thought about it, though, and I thought, “No, I think as a Christian, I just could not entertain any alternative.”