Read the entire Bible

But I’m reading the novel The Song of Hannah while I read the book of Samuel. I really like doing this. It’s parallel stories. One from the man’s point of view and one from the women’s point of view. I think I really absorb it well this way.

Think if I ever taught a Bible as Literature class, I would teach it this way too. I’m really enjoying this.

Does anyone have any other biblical fiction to recommend? I could do this for every book!

Haven;t the Israelites figured it out yet? God hates when you stray. God gets vengeful and angry. He’s going to kick your ass if you get this king. And you’re going to be sorry. I know you are.

Can’t wait to see what he does this time.

Okay. So now we’re reinforcing the “don’t fuck with god” thing. I’m a little confused. MY translation has uses the term “arc of the Lord.” Is that the arc of the covenant or is this something different?

Anyway, the Phillistines take up arms against the Jews and take the arc from them. From there, the Phillistines are plagues with rats and tumors. So they decide to give it back. The wrath of god once again. I think I’m halfway through it.

Okay, I’m going back to Genesis. Because I had a thought that I need to follow through on. I was thinking about Mike Huckabee and how he doesn’t believe in evolution.

I always wondered why it might be controversial to believe in both evolution and god creating the universe. Why don’t I ever hear anyone proclaim they believe in both? Is it because if you think that god didn’t actually create the universe EXACTLY as it is written in the Bible then the rest of the Bible can’t be literally accurate either? Couldn’t god have made things evolve? Couldn’t god have made the big bang?

Then I thought about the book of Genesis. What if the book is actually a metaphor for evolution? What if Eve’s taking and eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge is a metaphor for evolving beyond the “animal” world and into knowledge and abstraction? And casting Adam and Eve out of the garden is a metaphor for leaving the animal kingdom.

Yes, the story says that we were given dominion over the earth so how can we be from it? Well, you can be at the top of the food chain and still be an animal. But it’s an explanation for something truly miraculous. It basically says we took a step beyond the garden and we became something separate from it. We went beyond animal bliss.

Plus, even the opening lines sound something like the big bang theory. In the beginning god created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was void… This all falls into line with our modern theories on how the earth was created and life began.

So I pose the question: Why can’t god have created everything and allowed it to evolve? What if Genesis is slightly misinterpreted?

The only book named after a woman, Ruth is very short (just a few pages). Named after one of the strongest female characters, I was pretty disappointed. In the end, as strong and intelligent as Ruth and Naomi are, they need men in the end to redeem them. I guess in that time period, it was a necessity. I think, if they were alive today, they would kick some ass.

Well, this was an interesting book. A ton of war and more fighting and slavery. The beginning of the book lays out how the Israelites keep screwing up and pissing off god by breaking commandments. God punishes them by leading them into slavery for 7 years. Then, when the Israelites plea to be led out of slavery, god leads them out. After a short time, they fall off the bandwagon again and god punishes them with another 7 years of slavery. The wrongdoings include idolatry and such. Pretty harsh.

The closing story appears to be a retelling from an earlier book. A traveler arrives at the door of a man in the tribe of Benjamin asking for shelter. Of course he is invited in. But then townspeople come to rape him. Instead, they rape and kill his concubine instead of the visitor. So he cuts his concubine into 12 pieces and scatters her across the land. When he reaches the Israelites, they ask for the story. The Benjaminites must be punished. It’s agreed they must be destroyed and the Israelites must never let their daughters marry anyone from the tribe of Benjamin.

The Israelites take up war against the tribe of Benjamin but after two battles, the Israelites get their butts kicked. Then they ask god to deliver the Benjaminites to them. God agrees and the Israelites come up with a brilliant battle strategy that includes an ambush. The Israelites prevail and kill all the army and all the children. They only leave women virgins. They had killed so many Benjaminites, they feared the tribe would become extinct. So the Israelites suggest the remaining men take the women of Shiloh for their wives. So they capture the women of Shiloh while they are dancing one evening. And the problem is considered solved.

Pretty gruesome book with all the slavery, then the rape and killing and then the war (which killed tens of thousands of Israelites) and then the capture and eventual rape of the women of Shiloh. What a terrible time to be living.

Next book, Ruth.

Hmmm. Yet another violent chapter in the lives of the chosen people. This book is all about god keeping the covenant with the Hebrews and bringing them to the promised land. Of course, he never mentioned that in order for them to get their land, they had to kill everyone there. The Hebrews conquered dozens of civilizations and completely eradicated them. My critique of this book is that it was genocide at its most basic level. Not too happy with this one. Looking forward to some better stories ahead.

Why does it always take me so long to finish one book? I think it’s because I get through one or two chapters and fall asleep.

This book was helpful. As a retelling of Exodus, I got to think a little more about the meanings and messages. Here are some take-aways:

It’s the first time I noticed that in speaking to Moses and through Moses to the people, God mentions other gods. Saying “you shall have no other god before me” and sort of mentioning other people’s gods. I always thought that Jews believed there is only one god. But really, the Bible is saying that there are other gods, but this God is ours.

It’s kind of strange. This is the book that reiterates how important it is not to kill, not to steal etc. Yet throughout the book God tells the Jews to attack other villages and peoples, kill them, steal their land and property, rape and take slaves. Totally going against the commandments he lays out. IF this is what Jews were like throughout the centuries, no wonder that other people wanted to destroy them. I mean, I can see where the anti-semetism comes in if the Jews are constantly warring with others. I know there is more to it, historically, but of today’s Christians only see this as a historical perspective of Jews, it’s bad.

I giggled a bit. In chapter 16 verse 13 (or is it 13:16? It says if anyone tries to convert you to another religion or god, we are supposed to kill them. Does Jehovah count as another God? That would be great to use on the next Jehovah’s Witness that comes to my door. Since they are always quoting the Bible, I can send it right back to them. “Well, sir, I’m Jewish. And according to Deuteronomy 13:16, I’m supposed to kill you now. So I think you might want to run now.” Take that!

Onto Joshua!

Okay, I’m kind of skimming this. It seems to be just a retelling of Exodus. I’m hoping it gets interesting soon.

Last night I finished Numbers. It ends with some laws governing women. Apparently if you’re living at home or married, your husband or father can prevent you from making any promises, commitments or vows. But if you are divorced or widowed, they have no say in what you do. Yeah, that will help keep a family together. I’d either be divorcing or killing hubby pretty quickly.

The next part was all about the offerings to give to god at different times fo the year and what days you’re not suppsed to work. Interestingly, some days you’re supposed to burn 10 sheep, and on others 27 goats. I’m assuming it has to do with the weight of the holiday/date/etc.

Finally, god tells Moses that the Israelites were supposed to attack these neighboring villages and kill all the men, then all the non-virgin women. Then they were supposed to rape and pillage the rest. Then, they were supposed to make burned offerings of a certain percentage of the booty. Yes, my version of the Bible has the word booty in it. I did giggle when I read that. I can just picture these folks who were attacked, watching the Israelites burn a whole slew of cattle for no apparent reason. I would have been like, “don’t mess with those Jews. They’re totally bonkers.

Ah well Deuteronomy is next.