List 100 things I want in life

I had fun doing this. I think I’ll start another one.

:0)

Any ideas of another good 100 long list that would be worth exploring? Has to be a pretty broad topic to have 100 things in it.

I treated this like a daily free thought excercise and just wrote the first odd things that came to mind. Some odder than others I admit..:-) I found that even writing something random like this is still a good way to keep me writing…even if I can’t write anything else. Sheesh, it’s amazing what you come up with when you just write whatever odd combination that hit’s your mind. I had fun doing it! I highly recommend doing this thing! I guess my list could be called “a 100 random, imaginary, things I want in life” Although…I counted…and for real…I would actually do 99 of these things if they were really possible. I wouldn’t do #15. There’s no sun under water. And who wants a submarine you can’t dive in?

91. I want to live in a remote mountain cave. This cave would be thousands of miles away from any other human being. I would speak nothing except when speaking directly to animals in the forest around my cave. On the morning of the 92nd day of my third year living in this far away place, a small child will arrive at the entrance to my cave. She will smile and look into my eyes. From my cave door, her wide eyes look like almond shaped shards of green emeralds. She will lead me down a different path.

92. I want to walk this new path through a thick forest with this silent smiling sylph gliding quietly beside me. She will never blink as we walk along and occasionaly glance at each other. She is silent in every way – graceful in every action…no twigs snap nor leaves crunch under feet. Where she walks, the path is.

93. I want her path to lead us to an ancient well spring in the middle of the forest. She will stop at the crumbling remains of the well head and look across at me…she blinks…Emerald tear drops fall from her eyes. And her faint smile never fades completly…even through the tears. She stands in front of the hole – jagged chunks of grey brick and the powdered remains of mortor – that held the rocky pieces together.

94. I want to run to her…to that dark hole in the ground. I will jump into the darkness with no fear. None. I will do it for her. I will fall and fall and fall until I splash into the warm water. I cannot see the hole above. The clear blue water is being lit from somewhere deep beneath me. My eyes adjust and the emerald tears begin to fall into the water from the darkness above. Her tears.

95. I want to feel the warm emerald tear drops rain down on me as I slide slowly, silently into the depths of the glowing blue water. Her tears wash off my face into a greenish cloud in the water. As I slip deeper into the water, the greenish cloud of water over my head will appear to change somehow…to glitter a little.

96. I want to be able to hold my breath forever as I sink deeper and deeper into the warm water. The water will become warmer as my body sinks further into the glowing blue water. I will close my eyes and drift lower and lower into the hot depths. My feet touch the bottom. It feels like I’m standing on tiny, smooth, mishapen stones.

97. I want to reach down to my feet and grab a hand full of these smooth pebbles. They will be emeralds. Glowing emeralds. I will plunge my hands into the warm bottom layer of smooth luminescent emeralds. As far as my hands can feel, there are more stones beneath. I will fill my pockets with her tears…to give them back to her…all those tears.

98. I want a small bag like Mary Poppins carried. When my pockets got full, I would use this bag to hold every last small smooth stone. It would take me all day and all night to scoop each precious jewel into my bottomless bag. I would empty my pockets into the bag…just to make sure I didn’t lose even one little treasure.

99. I want to float slowly to the water surface while holding the closed black bag in one hand at my side. When I reach the water surface I will continue to float, with the black bag at my side, through the warm dark air…to the hole above…the forest beyond…and her.

100. I want to give her back her tears. She will be gone. The heavy forest will block the noon day sun from shedding any light on this small situation. I will put the bag down and look into the hole…and cry into the well.

81. I want to jump off of a hay loft onto a mountain of hay.

82. Just once, I want to shave every hair off of my body, drench myself in vegetable oil, and take a belly slide down a mile long slip and slide. I would do this all day, having so much fun, that I will totally forget about the sun. The scorching, whole body, sunburn that follows will become legendary in medical science. In the year 2047 the word lonzzed will be added to the dictionary. My picture will be there next to it. Example: Oh man dude, you aren’t just sunburned, you are totally lonzzed.

83. I want to surf a tsunami with no fear. At the peak of the monster 300 foot wave I will stand at attention and sing a perfect rendition of Modern Major General. I will not flub up one line and I will sing perfectly on key as the monster wave pushes me forward. As I’m holding the last note, two dolphins will swim up beside me and smile.

84. I want to have a perfect Zen rock garden in my back yard. In the center would be a 5×5 slab of polished black hematite. I would sit in the very center of the slab in perfect meditation every morning as the sun rose behind me. All the squirrels in my back yard would use the slab as a disco dance floor at night. It will become the hip place for local squirrels to hang out at night. Among the local rodents it becomes known as Acorn Zen…or just “the Zen”.

85. I want to enter the great Punkin Chunkin contest. I will build a trebuchet about the size of Manhattan. I will chuck that pumpkin so far that nobody will ever, ever break my record…until a week before my death…When a man named Grover Shicklegroober will actually succeed in launching a pumpkin into orbit thereby ending the whole contest indefinintely. On my death bed I will think…”Someone named Grover Shicklegroober beat me?!”

86. I want to go down that hill in the forest near my house on my bike without munching it. Once I have done this, my boys will follow and finally prove to themselves that the hill is not some demon spirit that forces bikes to crash at that one tricky part with all the tree roots.

87. I want to learn how to fold space and time. I would make a small origami swan out of space and then I would fold time into perfect frog…that even jumps when you flick it’s tail.

88. I want to go back to the summer camp I spent my youth in. I would swim to the bottom near the dam and search all day long until I found my Swiss army knife that stupid Danny C. threw in there in 1985. My dad gave me that knife.

89. I want to ride the New York Subways till all hours of the night until I meet an interesting stranger. I will then talk to this stranger all night as we get off and back on to random subway lines. The intersting conversations I have with this person will change my life. I will never see them again.

90. I want everyone in the world to stop and think the same thought at the exact same time. I’m pretty certain, that whatever that thought was…it would happen instantly.

71. I want my own personal soundtrack. Performed exclusively by U2. It wouldn’t play all the time, just during the good bits. And maybe during a few bad ones too. Walking with my Dad – Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own…The birth of Nathan (Navelbone) – If God Will Send His Angels…Back Seat of my first car – Running To Stand Still…Lost on the subway with my brother – City Of Blinding Light…110 mph through 100 miles of desert – Numb…Backseat of my third car – One…Birth of Samuel (Bubba) – Pride…First hangover – Van Diemen’s Land…First crush – With Or Without You…Wedding day – Love Is Blindness.

72. A pink machine. Not a machine that is pink but one that actually makes things pink. I would use it on all of the following: The entire state of Delaware, The crown and torch on the statue of liberty, All of the Rocky Mountains, The very tip of Mount Everest, the moon, and every pair of panties in the continental U.S.

73. I want the ability to see music.

74. I want a gun that fires invisible orgasm bullets. I would obtain a license to carry said gun at all times. Throughout my day I would just look for mean or grumpy people…and shoot them in the back when they weren’t looking. I would carry extra ammo for my O-gun when going to register my car, pay a ticket, or go to the post office. Once a week I would go to a random retirement home and unload a few clips on the old folks…just because :0)

75. Balls. Lots and lots of those colored balls that the kids jump around in. Enough to fill up Yankee Stadium to the very top. Me and a 100 of my best friends would play in the balls until we got tired and took naps.

76. I want to sleep on a marshmallow bed with chocolate legs and a graham cracker head board. After 3 years of late night movies, me and the boys will eat it from a king size…to a cradle. I will replace the left-over cradle with a new king size gummi bed.

77. I want to roast hot dogs on a beach with pure white sand and clear lavender water. I would make “snow” angels in the white sand under a full moon…naked. After which I would swim in the purple sea until a bright blue sun rose under a clear sky.

78. I want the grass to be greener on my side of the fence. For the rest of my life.

79. I want the tree faces on the oaks in my back yard to come to life. They would finally tell me what to name them…Bertrand & Hank. Who knew.

80. I want to spend one night getting drunk in an Irish pub, in Ireland, with a bunch of locals from some tiny village that no one has ever heard of. I will wake up the next morning with two appendages painted bright green and a four leaf clover drawn across my face.

61. I want to visit the Amazon rain forest. While there I will throw a giant slab of beef into the amazon just to see if Pirhanas really can “eat a cow” in a matter of seconds. I will travel deep into the jungle and discover a tribe of people that have never seen a white person. The chief will look at me and say “Ungawa” to which I will reply with my sexiest belly dancing moves. While there, I will also discover several new species of butterflies. I will follow my usual naming convention for the sake of humor in the classrooms of America. My youngest son will finally get to name one of our discoveries by himself…The Speckled Sludge Monkey butterfly.

62. I want our president to pull his head out of his ass.

63. I want to race a motorcross motorcycle on a really really muddy track. I will ride as fast as I can with no fear…even on the biggest hills. Half way through the race I will pull over, park my bike, and just role around in the mud. All the other racers would join me one by one as they realized that playing in the mud was more fun than riding a motorcycle.

64. I want to make crop circles. They are all fake anyway, and I could do a much, much better job. My circles would be the first ones that were proved to be from real aliens. Once the world finally believed in crop circles…I would expose the whole thing as a big joke by carving the words “Leroy was here” under one of my authentic crop circles in letters big enough to be seen from a jumbo jet.

65. I want to go from 0-60 in 1.3 seconds

66. My own personal hot air balloon. It would be custom made to represent my big white butt floating through the air. I would float over a volcano and spend an evening eating dinner and staring into the red hot lava bubbling out. I would take my ass balloon on a long slow journey down the Coast of California watching the hang gliders glide, and the surfers surf.

67. I want my own mega-stretch limo. I would hire a bunch of paparazzi to do my bidding. Then I would go pick up five homeless people and drive them to the swankiest club in L.A. When they get out of the limo the paparazzi will maul them and make such a big deal that everyone at the club will think they are famous. The club management will spend the entire night kissing ass to the five famous homeless people. By the next week, one of the homeless guys with be having an affair with Katie Holmes.

68. I want to learn to bake. Bake like my granny baked. I want to bake from scratch using all the ingredients that are bad for me. Once I learn how to bake…I will perfect cinnamon rolls.

69. I want to learn magic. I want to learn it for the sole purpose of blowing my kids minds at totally random moments. Ok, and to impress the odd date here and there.

70. I want to go to the sixth moon of Jupiter…Europa. Once there, I will prove once and for all that there really is life under all that ice in the water. Just to be fair, allow my youngest son to name the first discovery of life on a moon…NaterocksmorethansamOpithicus. Samrules and Naterocks will forever be known in history as the first two forms of life discovered outside of earth.

51. I want to bring back leaf burning. If a leaf falls on my property, from my trees, then damnit…I have a right to burn it. That and I just like burning things.

52. I want to run naked across Yankee stadium during a night game – the sun reflecting off my white ass would blind everyone if it were a day game – After running across the outfield I would stop in dead center field and just stand there. I would be buck naked in front of 50,000 people grinning from ear to ear. Before the police could get to me I would begin the best hula dance anyone had ever seen followed by 30 seconds of perfect Egyption Oriental belly dancing. The crowd will go crazy and boo the police until I’m finally carried out through the bull pen to a waiting paddy wagon. ESPN will use the footage of the belly dancing, ghost white, naked guy for the next ten years on thier weekly “lighter side of sports” round-up.

53. Write naked. In a huge overstuffed barca-lounger covered in well worn, pilled up, flanel pajamas. Do this only when I’m writing for no one else but me.

54. Live in a house on a lake where my closest neighbor is no closer than 5 miles in any direction. 100 feet out into my lake will be a giant trampoline tethered in the emerald colored water, floating on giant tractor tire inner-tubes. Set the world record for the biggest naked cannon-ball in history. I will bury a treasure in the deepest part of the lake in a huge treasure chest anchored to the bottom. The chest would be wrapped in 100 feet of titanium alloy chain and locked with a padlock the size of a small car. Inside the treasure chest would be a mirror and nothing else. Etched into the bottom of the mirror would be the following: If you went through all that, and you are still looking at a smile in this mirror, then you have found the treasure.

55. Be the captain of my own ship. When in international waters, adopt the Lonian law code which states, in full: Do what feels good, and harm no one.

56. Drink champagne from one of her black high heels after taking it off with my teeth. Buy her any pair she wants to replace the ones now soaked in booze. Do it again the next weekend…and buy her two pairs.

57. I want to be comfortable enough to dance anytime anywhere like no one is watching…or at least like no one really cares. :-)

58. Speaking of dancing…Dance naked. (No, but really…I want to be comfortable enough to dance freaky with another human being) I have always wanted to connect with someone through dance. That would be an intersting vibe.

59. Parachute naked. Do this with thousands of other people from around the world together at the same time. This will be the first annual “parachute naked for peace” day. Within twenty years this will become a national holiday for over 30 countries. The yearly falling of thousands of naked bodies from the sky will bring peace and happiness to all those around the world with even a half-way decent sense of humor.

60. I want the ability to feel neither needless guilt or shame. And I want to be able to give that ability to others.

41. I want a real wearable computer that is totally contained in my sunglasses. Nothing bulky, no wires, just a nice stylish pair of sunglasses that display a small desktop in the lens. I would go to the Grand Canyon and meditate at the edge a cliff with my glasses on. As the sun begins to set, I will flick on my PC glasses and play a game of space invaders superimposed over the most beautiful sunset ever. As the sun dips out of view…I will miss the last invader.

42. Inkless paper. A material as thin and pliable as paper that could display text from any book in the world via wireless. Upon birth, each person can be given one of these clear scrolls that is permanently hooked up to the universal online book repository. Within a century, there would be generations of people born and raised with every written word known to man…at their fingertips…from birth…in their language. No fancy games, or internet, or day planners…just plain text as it’s found in real world literature.

43. A real working public school system. U.S. public schools suck. A school system that acknowldges each childs unique way of learning rather than dog the kids who process things differently.

44. A funny Sunday comic. Damn…there have been no funny cartoons in the Sunday paper since Mary Worth…;-) For real though…I want to laugh again when I open my Sunday paper.

45. Saturday morning cartoons!! Three channels…from 6am to noon on Saturdays only. Kids don’t value cartoons anymore. Cartoons used to be special until cable came along. Man oh man…there was nothing like getting up at the butt-crack of dawn…raiding the pantry…and settling in front of the tube with a huge Jethro size bowl of Captain Crunch. By noon I was so cracked out on sugar that I was vibrating. But that’s what noon to bedtime was for…to play it off.

46. A low cost way to keep my sidewalks and driveway from getting piled up with snow in the winter. None of this hot water pipes under the pavement or bs like that. A simple coating of some sort that could be sprayed on the driveways and sidewalks that would not allow snow to bind to it. With so many people worldwide that hate to shovel snow…you would think that the collective piss off factor alone would mother this invention into the world.

47. The ability to lucid dream every night of my life. I would fly a lot.

48. I want to discover the largest flawless diamond in the world. It would be about the size of a large tractor trailer. Upon unvieling my discovery the entire world diamond market will collapse. Every diamond on every finger would be worth only the memories that went with it.

49. Finally build a machine that can extract all that gold from ocean water cost effectively. Upon unvieling my machine the entire world gold market will collapse. Every piece of gold in entire world would be worth nothing.

50. Re-rent the steam roller from #29. Use abundant gold from #49 to re-pave all the streets in Detroit. The city will eventually be re-named “Detroit Gold City” as it’s economy is turned around through massive tourist dollars. Everyone wants to see the solid gold city.

half way….

31. I want my own pesonal swimming hole. I want an enormous weeping willow tree to provide shade for my swimming hole for most of each day. There will be thick green grass growing right up to the banks of my private swimming retreat. The water will be emerald green and it will be deep. Very deep. (Anyone remember McElligot’s pool?)

32. A magic wishing fish. One day, this fish will jump up on the grassy banks of my swimming hole and give me three wishes…

33. I wish that I knew everything in the universe but myself.

34. I wish I could live forever.

35. I wish that I would always appreciate and respect the blessings that come from my first two wishes.

36. I want a real, bright red, old fashioned, British phone booth. To put in my backyard for the birds to play in. Whenever anyone tries to use the phone inside, they will be connected directly to the national bird watching society hotline where a friendly operater will help the caller identify any and all birds which happen to be near by at the time.

37. My own mini Cooper. I’m 6’3 so it would need some modifications. I would rip out the front seats and make it a really comfortable two seater. I would then install two small jet turbines in place of the little engine. I would paint it just like the partridge family bus. The jet-powered, kick-ass, mini-cooper, partridge-painted, two-seat, fun-mobile. yup. That’s what I want.

38. A giant arena filled with 20,000 Muslims, 20,000 Christians, and 20,000 Jews. I would then proceed to tell them about all the things they had in common. I would make them all dance together. I would make them laugh together. I would ask each person to take out the pictures of their kids, and show them to the person sitting next to them. Tell each other stories of when their children were born and why they love them so much. Tell each other what kind of a world they want their children to live in. After all of this, make sure no one left the arena without being hugged by at least 3 people from each other faith.

39. I want an empathy machine. I want to be able to hook any two people up and have them totally and completly understand each other. Not only would it make #38 easier but it would just be nice to know that for once…someone could completly and totally understand me…and vice versa.

40. A universal translator. Not only would it make #38 easier, but it would get me past my pesky foreign language requirements for graduate school.