List 25 things that prove that the universe has a sense of humor

11. Paris Hilton. She is ultra-rich, hot, and has butt-loads of men worshiping her every move. And, she’s famous for doing absolutely nothing outside the realms of her own hedonistic needs. Not that there’s anything wrong with hedonism but…she actually gets paid millions of dollars to attend parties and big celebrity galas…to explore her sexuality…to get all the designer clothes and shoes she wants for free…and she gets to wander around America basically talking to less rich people and living with her best friend, all expenses paid, while getting paid even more millions to do that?!

To all the women in the world…the universe says – and she giggles a little while saying this – For whatever you may think of her, you know there has been at least one moment when you absolutely knew you wanted to live that life…but if I ever give you that life…don’t be such a snot about it. ;0)

12.Parthenogenesis. Which means in Greek…virgin birth. This is the ability of a female to get herself pregnant and give birth as a virgin. While extremely unlikely, it has been shown scientifically that it is possible in humans. The universe laughed when s/he did this just to keep all the Christians on their toes.

13. Pope John Paul II was an honorary Harlem Globetrotter. So were/are Dr. Henry Kissinger, Bob Hope, Whoopi Goldberg, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Nelson Mandela, and the Reverend Jesse Jackson. The universe did this just for the funny visual of a sweaty game of one on one between the pope and Nelson Mandela. For every person that ever imagined the Pope spinning a red, white and blue basketball on his white fingers – even while wearing that tall hat – For every person who could see Mandela smiling as he slam dunks the ball…the universe winks at you and laughs with a big dopey smirk on its face.

14. Two turtles humping. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hLzfQQpr3I
Even turtles make funny noises and get that oh so attractive O-face! Watch to the very end. When the universe created turtles like this s/he was laughing hysterically.

15. Three turtles humping. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1vJEYM68cc
Well, sort of, but that’s a wild little party they got going on.
And while you may not find the idea of a tiny turtle trois of the menage kind very funny…the universe finds it hilarious.

6. David Hasselhoff. W. T. F? I don’t get it. As for his looks, well I can’t really say without sounding totally homosexual (he seems attractive enough) but as for everything else…he owns the rights to Baywatch!! 1 billion people worldwide, on every continent except Antarctica, every week, and they all watch hairy David Hasselhoff. need I even ask again…W. T. F? Of all of the things in this world that a billion people could do together, every week no less…of all the ideas a billion folks could focus on…and they choose beach drama? With a graying beaver pelt attached to his golden copper tone chest. Indeed, this is the universe saying, “Laugh. Laugh long and laugh hard.”

7. Beer tasters, ice-cream tasters, and the people that sit and taste test new taco bell creations. Yes these jobs do exist. No it’s not funny to me and you. Yes, in fact, it is extremely funny to the universe.

8. Captain Kirk never said “Beam me up Scotty.” Obi-Wan never said “May the force be with you.” And Darth Vader never said “Luke, I am your father.” These were all just the universe messing with your mind. The moment you read any of the above and thought to yourself any variant of the phrase, “no shit?”...In that moment, the universe laughed with you.

9. Love.

10. The creature with the largest penis size in proportion to its body is…a barnacle. Their penises (Peni?) can be up to ten times their body size. (fact checker!!!) http://www.faunanet.gov.au/wos/factfile.cfm?Fact_ID=57
Most barnacles are hermaphrodites with working male and female sexual organs. So not only do they have the largest wangs on the entire planet but they can get a hook up whenever they want? For free?? To all the men on the planet…the universe holds up one giant crusty barnacle to you and says…Ha. Ha. Ha. ha. ;0)

1. George W. Bush. He actually proves that not only does the universe have a sense of humor…its got a sick sense of humor too.

2. And in that same vein…the red asses on those red-assed baboons.

3. The fact that the cigarrette lighter was actually invented before the match.

4. Only two known animals are totally immune from cancer: sharks and sting-rays. Two lethal killing machines already…and they’re cancer proof too?! Um…I could think of another species that could stand to have that immunity. Once again showing the “sick” nature of the universes sense of humor.

5. Orgasm face. At your most vulnerable moment, when you are connecting with someone deeply, passionatley, wanting to share everything with that person…and yet…here comes O-face! At the single moment in time when you most want to look sexy…and you have to get a face like that. It ain’t pretty. But it is pretty funny though.