Be more organised

hurrah! hooray! hoorah! hurray!!
all’s well that ends well, i’ve done my last essay at bristol, it’s all over and i just about managed to hand it in

yes yessssssssssssssssss yeeeeeeeeeeeees

whoop whoop, now for some wine!!!

just one more day of being a good girl and I might actually pull this one off. Then I am going to party like it’s 1999 non-stop for at least two weeks. Hurrah!

So I messed up big-time this week. Possibly the worst I’ve messed up ever. And, quel surprise, it’s drugs and boys at the root of all the trouble. But also me being a total arrogant ass and thinking that I can do things well without trying. Well at least now I have the motivation to try harder, what with needing to get the best mark I’ve ever got just to pass the fucking essay. This week I WILL be more organised, dammit.

so… I’ve got an essay due in at 12. And it’s 2.36am now. And I’ve written about a quarter of it. And the mark goes toward my final degree mark. And I’m clearly an enourmous fucking retard. I’ve also run out of biscuits and have probably drunk more tea than I would normally drink in a month. This is all going terribly, terribly wrong, and the worst thing is I’m so stressed out that I’ve gone into a state of eerie calm, which is not at all condusive to actually writing the bloody thing!

I have so much to do it’s actually ridiculous – this time I’m going to do it right and not destroy my brain with sleep deprivation. I have faith. And friends with narcolepsy meds. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that!

Doing extremely badly at this, probably the worst I’ve ever been – essay due in on fri and haven’t really even started or have any idea what the fuck I’m writing about. I always seem to be possessed by a particular and confusing emotion just when I really need to concentrate. I just want my mind to be free of everything except poetry, just for the next two days, then I can go back to thinking about my love life, or lack of.

Had a nice takeaway though!

learn that wanting to do something and writing down that I will do something is, although valid and admirable and all manner of nice things, absolutely not the same as actually doing things! This is on my mind as I keep looking on this gosh darned website and feeling useful instead of reading W J T Mitchell, who is much less fun but far more useful in the long run. ‘The Violence of Public Art: Do the right thing’ anyone? No?

I really need to do this, my planning abilities are top-notch but I have no follow-through! This is really to do with uni work, as I’m ok in other areas. I really don’t need to fuck my head every time I have work due by leaving it super late and then slacking constantly, messing on the internet and staring out of my window at the weird guy over the road who does lunges in his bedroom!