find myself not worrying what people think of me

When I got my first subscriber I was shocked that anyone would care what I wrote. I was definitley flattered too. Then I freaked out! “Oh, crap! Now I have to write things that people will like or they will quit me!” (hee hee) I got all nervous and worried about what I wrote. Then I realized that I am supposed to not be worrying what people think of me. It says it right there on my list! Right there, see? And I really started this page for ME anyway, and that is the way I will keep it. And hopefully some people will enjoy it along the way. So anyhow, I came to realize that I will probably lose a subscriber here and there (not that I have many anyways!) and although I knew it would bum me out, (I’m sensitive, I admit) I’d have to be okay with it. Well I lost one today and I just wanted to say, I am sorry to see you go, but I have to not care. Sorry you quit liking my “stuff”. I am happy to weed out the faint of heart, or impatient, or intollerable, or bored, or whatever you may be. I can’t care what you think. It says for me not to in my list. I just had to let you know. Thank you for your time, goodnight!

It is so hard not to wonder and then worry what people are thinking of me. I am so conflicted because on one hand it does seem very self-centered to even think that people are all so concerned with me (which I know they aren’t). And deep down I know that anyone who says mean things about me or doesn’t like me for whatever reason, is totally crazy anyways and I wouldn’t like them either, so why in the heck does it matter?! But at the same time I think that if I didn’t care what people thought, then I’d be a jerk (if you don’t care what anyone thinks then you can be an ass all the time, right? We’ve all met these types). I think I may have figured out why it may seem to matter what people think of me—to me anyway. Here is my theory: I have noticed that I am ultra sensitive to what other people are feeling. I am overly concerned with the feelings of others, even people I don’t know or really like. I am not sure how most people are but I can FEEL other peoples sadness, nervousness, happiness and especially anger or distress. It’s like this cloud around them that’s all misty and unable to be contained, and the closer they are physically to me, the more the mist envelopes me as well. Anyhow, since this is how I experience other people, I immediately assumed that when other people don’t react like me that they are rude or mean, or some other negative thing. I think I have come to realize that maybe that is not the case and that I am just hypersensitive to how others may react to me (or anything else for that matter). I think that with that in mind, it also carries over to being really self-conscious, and I mean that in the very literal sense, not the “Oh, I hope I look okay!” sense but more in the sense of how everything I do may affect others. I think it makes me wonder more than I should, what people are thinking and feeling, and why. I guess I should just try to quit worrying what people are thinking and feeling period, not just about me! But the question I wonder is, then would I be the same, help-every-person-or-thing-in-need person that makes me ME? That is something I need to try to find out, I guess.

You’d worry less what people think of you if you realized how little they did.
-Stanley Sandler (Adam Sandler’s dad)