while I'm 26, live like the person I've always wanted to be

it’s really hard to break old habits. that’s what i am learning every time i look at this goal. I just want to feel more comfortable around people. I want to be able to feel confident enough that i won’t suspect everyone is somehow against me. and i almost want to be able to fall in love with someone. i do want to get out more often. and i want to be myself with out being looked at like i’m a crazy person. which seems to happen to me a lot….=-/

ahhhh. i just think way to much. i should go back to writing stories before i loose my mind for real. maybe that will vent some thoughts :P

But I suppose it’s going. I’ve stopped drinking when I don’t want to drink. I’ve started trying to plan more outdoor adventures, but it’s difficult to get people together for them. A few times I’ve thought to do something spontaneous, but then I just overthink it and it never happens. Simple stuff, and I’m held back by a silly sort of fear of people I seem to just be picking up. Which is really the opposite of what I was hoping for.

I never liked crowds, but it’s foolish to stay home rather then go across the street for a smoothie just because there might be a line at the counter.

someone says “Knowing what you admire in others is a wonderful mirror into your deepest, as yet unborn, self.”

I waste to much energy trying to be someone I’m not and idolizing people that are not like me. I don’t like to drink. I’m a theater geek. I’m not into sports. I enjoy phsycology, and ghost hunting! I enjoy spending time at home just reading a book. 4th street (drunk crowds and loud music) is my least favorite hangout spot. I get excitment from scary movies and rollercoasters. But not the ones that go upside down. I don’t smoke anything, and drinking alcohol makes me sick. (peer pressure has been getting the best of me anymore)

It makes me feel like no fun sometimes. Like I don’t fit in. I’m too old for my age. And that’s why I try to be something I’m not. But with this goal I’m going to try and stop being someone else, and just be me.

I only just decided that the drinking 4th streeter who watches football yelling at the screen with the rest of em’ isn’t the person I want to be after all.