Keep a journal

It’s my summer break, and I’m definitely going to get back on this. I think it’s because I’m so emotionally/physically/mentally broken. I need to put the pieces together, but it’s hard for me to remember that I have made it anywhere unless I have a record of my past self.
Soooo.

Gonna light my pretty candle, and get writing.

sometimes I’ll work out in my head what I would say if I could write really quickly. Sometimes I wonder if typing is more for me, but I’m torn, because I think written thoughts are so much more personal and pretty. Ah well. Somehow I have to put it down. all the love I feel. And maybe someday it would give hope to someone else in the same situation… and just make them feel not alone anymore. I want the world to feel like impossible means nothing at all, but I think I have to convince myself of this first.

I’m really interested in journaling everyday of my first year in college, and hopefully all throughout college. I think I will learn a lot about myself, and become a better writer.

I’m excited to see any signs of a transformation

I’m continuing along this goal…

Yesterday I sat infront of a fountain as it was getting dark, and just forced myself to write a page down. I decided to use the abbreviation IAWT (I am worried that) to compile a list of my many worries. They were all really small, but they still make me tense. Writing them down made me want to tackle them more though. I think I’m going to take action to solve my worries today. I also think I will make the tradition of going to this fountain to journal. I only have a few days left here before university, but I’m really compelled to go. It’s nice to see a page full of writing.

Oh I forgot. I took a break from this, because someone I love said he wanted to read it. I like being honest with him. I felt that if I wrote in my journal, knowing that he would read it, I would write differently. I decided I’m going to keep this one private instead. Some secrets (which would not affect him) are sometimes good to keep to leave a bit of mystery. I don’t think I could get the full effect of this goal if I were to let someone else read it

I’ve written daily for a few days now. It’s been so hard at first, because it’s weird to write when I haven’t for so long (summer break). My fingers have felt awkward. I feel really great though. I feel I’m documenting everything, and can look back on it later, and the wisdom that I’ve gathered here and there.

Today I journaled about a boy who died yesterday. He was in my grade this past year. I told my friend, I had nothing in common with him, but I still have this terrible feeling. There’s not a whole lot I can do, but I’m determined to live my life out. Even more than before, I can’t wait for things to put themselves together. I must go after everything. heck, chase after it. I gotta change :)