Improve my self-esteem

today i began a new internship, a lot better than the other one. I like it a lot, it confirm me that i like what im studying, i hope it stay the same until the end. i feel a little exited, i want to learn a lot.

Now i feel better, i think that when i beging something new like a new semester i feel a little bad because i dont know people or i know them but cause i dont saw them in a lot of time i dont talk to them, is weird, i think that it corfim i dont have social people skills or something but then with the pass of time i feel better again. it sucks, i have to learn about it and see when im passing through a time like it to try to work with my brain and thoughs. also i have to learn to recieve critics and dont take things personal RUSH.

meanwhile talk talk talk what i think, my opinions and desires, ask ask anything when i have a doubt, work work

like i said 5 weeks ago i started a new job, to be more specific an internship, but there didnt gave me the right experiences for my field so right now im changing of internship. incredible how in a week i changed my mind about it and i wanted to live it really bad. i did ok, i think but the last day my supervisor told me i have to be more proactive, less shy, more extrovert and ask more. When she told me that my self esteem went of high to nothig. I wanted to cry but i listened, not really listening because i began to think so much stupidities. I was so mad with me and with her. i dont know what to think, she was right?, im like that, yea, a lot of people think that about me, all the people that worked with me. why i cant receive well a cronstructive criticism? i know for everybody is hard but for me its worse. i quickly hate that person. I felt even worse when she said that people in my field are extrovert and open. something i am not. i dont know what to do. i know how im or i dont now, maybe i dont see the reallity im not shy i only feel better or something being quiet. i never have so much things to say and i always have to think in advance what to say or do. i want to be more relax and spontaneus. i have fear because i like my field and if i dont change and if i dont match my job i will be worse and worse. its true that we are here for a purpose? all the people have a job that match them? i dont want to have a boring job.

my bf and i are back, and he love me but i hate some comments he said about me, about how serious im, i look like dead and that i dont dare to do some things. im sad with it. how to change the mind of people you love or care? thats the reason why i said that stop thinking what people said about me is impossible. i read sometime that we have to be around positive people…

im thinking of going to a pshycologist. i always think about it to help me be more open and to express my feelings. but i dont dare to tell my mother to take me. i only think in wait to have a job to have money to go there. i hope to learn something for the exoerience and to be different in my new internship. maybe adoptin a character?

i began the year a little anxious because some things didnt get good as i want it, but i feel very good now, my self esteem is bigger than ever. knowing that i will not be anymore for now, with my bf, now my ex, dont hurt my esteem like before, i dont think bad thoughs about me and thats good. its like i learn how to control it. i know im pretty, good friend, good talker, good student, good daugther, good to party with and so on. i still will have this goal here because i will begin college again soon and a job, and i dont know how i will react to it, i hope i will try to stay as positive as now.

ok this is a goal that idont know when im going to achieve. my emotional status is like a yo-yo, ups and downs. i was fine this summer, only my problems with the lose of my job and some problems with my bf. now that college began i have this bad thoughs in my head. i want to eleminate them! is so bad. i only think in what people are thinking of me, that i dont have friends, i have to talk more, im a stupid and so on… is only that because im working well on other things is like my bad thoughs arent affecting me but i dont want to have them because i know if i continous i will be depress. this bad thougs began because sometimes i dont have someone to talk in college i feel antisocial and i begin to think in all that….

i think i have a moderate self esteem, before was worst, i didnt even had it. i was always thinking bad about myself and personality. today sometimes i do that, i want to completly eleminate those bad thoughts…