Tell 43 true stories that MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I put my morning coffee on and walked away only to realize that I forgot to put the pot in place, and my coffee had brewed all over the counter. I made another attempt this morning…put all the necessary parts in place, walked away, and came back ten minutes later to a nice hot, steaming pot of…water. Forgot the grinds. Duh.

Walking through town one day, I decided I could go for a cup of coffee, and turned to head towards the coffee shop on the corner. As I got closer to the door, this young, hot guy was walking out. He gave me a friendly smile, and stood holding the door open. I shot him back my best flirtatious smile and an oh-so-inviting ‘thank you’, and strutted past him, through the doorway, and…into his wife and baby, who he was holding the door open for. Score for misread social cues, with an extra point for nearly assaulting mother and child in the process!

When we were younger, my aunt took my sister and I out for ice cream at this place by her house. My sister and I, being kids, decided to race each other from the car to the shop. My sister was beating me, and a few feet from the entrance, she just stops. I’m thinking ‘what is she doing? I’m so gonna win now’, and keep running, full speed…through the screen door. I don’t even remember being embarassed at the time, but my poor aunt got us our ice cream and couldn’t get us out of that shop quick enough. The part that cracks me up is what the people sitting inside eating their ice cream must’ve been thinking when I busted in like the Kool-Aid man.

Oh, what the hell. If I can’t embarrass myself in front of a world wide web of strangers, who can I? But if you refuse to laugh at bodily functions, this probably isn’t the entry for you.

Last year for St Patty’s Day, I went into the city to see the parade with my new boyfriend and his friend. While we were there, I had a run-in with a glass of some mean Belgian beer, Corsendonk. We spent a few more tipsy hours walking around, then got on the train to go home.

My boyfriend and I shared a bench, and he put his head on my shoulder and fell right asleep, as did his friend across from us. I, however, couldn’t get comfy because I had this horrible pressure pain deep in my innards. I knew exactly what it was, and I also knew I would have to keep it in until we were out of the close quarters of the train. Then, a few things happened at once. Two women got on the train, and headed for the bench in front of us; my body won the fight against my brain, and I let it rip; the conductor announced our stop as next; and my boyfriend woke up.

So we sat in this heavy, inhuman, putrid smell for the next few minutes, and I’m thinking “Yes! He didn’t notice! He’s not saying anything, he’s not even reacting!!” Our stop comes, the three of us get off, then he turns to me and goes “We almost missed our stop. Those two women who sat in front of us smelled so bad they woke me up!”

I can’t even count the number of times I heard him tell that story to people, I could never bring myself to tell him it was me, he never had any idea just how gross his girlfriend was. We did joke about how the Corsendonk kicked all our butts. I even went over to his house one day and he was so proud of himself that he had picked me up a big bottle of it. I’m pretty sure he was hurt that I didn’t drink it, but he would’ve thanked me if he knew.

When my sister bought a new house, I offered to help her pack up and move her stuff. By the time they loaded the truck and their own car, there wasn’t much left to go except…the animals. They have more pets than anyone I know. So my car held the dog, the ferret, the fish and three cats. One of the cats was terrified and refused to be caged, so she squeezed herself as far as she could into the crevice of my back windshield for most of the trip. We stopped at a gas station before we hit the highway, and you could tell the attendant couldn’t tell what to think of the sight of my car. There’s me, holding back some tears (this was my childhood home we had just packed up and sold), surrounded by all kinds of creatures. I could see my sister and brother-in-law in their car laughing at me and the gas guy. So I reached over to my passenger seat and threw my arm around the dog like we were the best of friends, and gave the gas guy my best “oh yeah, we cool” nod. The look on his face was priceless.

Just remembered this last night, because we were at this same bar again.

A group of us once had gone to this bar, (the place is huge…two levels, indoors and outdoors, about ten bars throughout the place) to see a band play. I was talking to my friend Christina, and for some drunken reason we decided we had to find Cathy. She was nowhere to be found, so we went out front and checked the parking lot. Not there either, so we turned to go back inside. That’s when we noticed a side door. There was a group of people hanging around it, looked like they all worked there. They looked at us a little funny as we were walking up to them, but we must’ve looked like we knew where we were going, cause they just let us go in. So through the door we go, and opened up a second door, walked through that one…and there we are, standing on stage behind the band.
I wish I would’ve thought quick enough to at least do a little dance while we were up there, but I was too caught off guard. It was a good ten seconds or so before the bouncers realized we didn’t belong there, and pulled us off stage. With a little cheer from the crowd. What a waste of my stage debut.

I have a niece and nephew, Kyla and Aidan, who were 3 and 5 at the time. You know, the age where they’re jealous of each other, one wants what the other has, etc. So my sister made a rule where if they start fighting over a toy, she takes it away from both of them. One day, they’re playing in the next room from where my sister is, and a few times she had to go in and take toys away because they’re fighting. A ball here, a car there, and so on. She hears them starting to fight over something again, so she walks into the room, and says “okay, what am I taking away this time?”. My nephew (three years old!) looks up at her and suggests…”Kyla?”.
I could fill this goal with things that have come out of that kid’s mouth. He’s either a kid genius or a born comedian. I know, I’m biased, but you’ve gotta admit that’s pretty good for a 3 year old.

So I came across this on MelSchoonover’s list, and thought I should adopt it. Especially because her #1 goal is to create a goal on 43T that everyone will want to do. And I’m just all about being helpful.