be happier

We will be going to our 3rd session as a couple tomorrow. Things have been good since the last one. I have been being more honest with my husband. This was one of the major problems we have been having. It is such a relief when there are no secrets.

We went to our first therapy session today and I think it was great. I felt so much better when we left. We were able to talk about things and have someone to tell us that we are a completely normal couple with the same problems as everyone else. The therapist wants to meet with me by myself next week because he says I still seem to be really depressed and I should have been in therapy since I started taking meds.

We are starting marriage counseling on Thursday. Things are not that bad right now, but we do have some problems to work on and I hope that counseling helps.

I’ve been pretty happy lately. There hasn’t been a lot of financial problems or relationship problems. Things have been going really good. If this continues through the summer I will mark this as done.

I’m not sure if I happy or not. Yet again, I am not pregnant and now it looks like there is no babies in my future. I think I am finally going to give up on the hope of getting accidentially pregnant. I’m not sure if I’m happy about this or not. If just resign myself to the fact that I’m never going to have another baby I think I can eventually be happier about it. Our son is 13 now and will be all grown up in a few years. My DH and I will still be young enough to enjoy our time together. We had our son very very early in our relationship and never really had any time for just us. This is one of the reasons that he does not want more children. I guess I can eventually accept this way of thinking.

I don’t think this really falls under my “be happier” goal, but I need to write about it and I’m not sure where else to put it. I really don’t have anybody to talk to about personal things and I feel better if I can just stuff off of my chest sometimes. Anyway, I think I might be pregnant. I know this is something I should talk to my DH about, but I don’t want to until I know for sure. I don’t think he would be too happy about it and don’t want to bring it up unless I have to. I took a home test, but it came out neg. I still have a week until I’m supposed to start and I think that I could have tested too early. The test said the first day of my missed period, but I couldn’t wait. I have had spotting which could have been implantation bleeding, I’ve been feeling kind of sick of the morning (especially when brushing teeth which was the way it was with my DS), eating a bunch, tired all the time, and been peeing a lot. I haven’t had any breast tenderness though. I just wish I knew. I would be OK either way, but the waiting is the hardest part. I think DH would be OK, too. It would just take him some time to adjust.
Anyhow, I just needed to let it out and try to relax about it a bit. I hope this helps a little.

I’m going to start writing about the little things taht come up that give me a reason to be happier. Maybe I’ll then be able to see that I am happier than I think I am.

I’m happy because I got a new car this week. I know that were trying to pay off debt, but I really need a new car to drive to work and this one kind of came as a great offer out of the blue. Our neighbor was going to donate his cousins car to charity and we mentioned that we had been looking for a cheap car and he sold it to us for $500. It’s a 1999 Dodge Neon. I know it doesn’t sound that great, but it was owned by an elderly person who took really great care of it an it runs and lokks great. the gas milage is good too. I haven’t had my own car to drive in about two years now. I had been driving my MILs second car and outr NEW car when DH didn’t need it. I’m so excited that I have my own again.

I really, really want to be happier. My DH recently said that he is happy with his life and he doesn’t understand why I am never happy. I guess I don’t appreciate what I really have. I have a husband that loves me, a great son, a home, food, an easy decent job, lot of luxury items, a car, family, and a million other things that I should be thankful for. There are a lot of people out there that are worse off than I am. Why can’t I just feel happy about what I do have?

I recently realized that I’m happier when the people around me are happy. I guess I need to try to keep the peace with my family and others around me and in return I will be happier myself. I feel like happiness rubs off on people. Then again, maybe I’m just really tired from working 40 hours over the weekend and this makes no sense what so ever. I’ll see if I still feel this way in the morning.