become anorexic

oh how i miss being anorexic
life sucks
im sick of being sick
disgusting, fat, ballooning like a whale every night
give me strength, girls.
i’m starting a new account
starting out fresh
my name will be julia_rose08
good night

i feel really sick. i failed life today. good night.

hey girls, i was into this site a few months ago, then bad things happened. enough said. i’m starting a new identity on here, with a new name. not sure what my name will be yet… i’ll think during work. but when i do, i’ll post something saying what my new name will be. just to let you all know: i’m back!

I need a friend.

wish me luck, 30 hour water fast, to clean out my body. nothing until breakfast tomorrow… i start my new job tomorrow!

id rather be ana than have BED. which i do at this point.

i used to be really big on this site. then i got “better” ... but deep down i think i might miss ana. just not the bottom that i hit.

Just an update. I’ve consistently weighed 98 pounds since Wednesday. I’m not trying to lose, but I’m not trying to gain either. For a 5’7” person, I don’t think I need to lose weight.

I am disgusted and ashamed of my body. So confused…

While laying in bed last night, I was thinking.

Today for breakfast I’m going to have 1/3 cup oatmeal, 100 calories, multivitamin, 1/4 cup fat free cottage cheese, 40 calories, and a little fancy dish of sugar free orange jello, <10 calories.

Still diet pop and water for lunch

And 100 calories of something for supper. Around my mom.

That’s a really balanced breakfast, with whole grains and protein. And cottage cheese makes me feel unbelievably full and not want to eat again… So I should be more satisfied for the day.

If today works out, I’ll eat like this tomorrow and maybe Saturday as well. I’ll also exercise tonight. Stepmania isn’t raising my heart beat that well, I guess I’m too polished at it already, so I’m considering it a low impact step aerobic, or just a low impact aerobic. I’ll find something more challenging as time goes on, especially as the weather warms up.

I also find that I can’t wear a tank top in my own house because I fear my mother commenting on my bones. I don’t like it. But at the moment, I don’t care enough to change. Maybe Sunday morning, if I weigh 100 pounds (which I doubt I will), I will change. Sue wasn’t at church last night.

Have a healthy and energetic day! I think I’m going to research strength training with free weights for beginners and start a speech before going down for breakfast. I really like mornings lately, and I don’t know why.

So I was thinking, and trying to eat more is more trouble than it’s worth. I have a plan and I’ll follow it until Sunday morning when I’ll weigh in again. I’m not too skinny, I’m fine as long as I’m not too much under a hundred. That would just be too skinny.

I can’t have lunch at school any more because then my mom wouldn’t see me eat. I did today and it was… weird. Tomorrow I’ll just bring a diet pop and say I had a big breakfast, etc, like I’ve been doing all year.

Oh, and I had 250 calories today. Same thing every day until Sunday? I’ll exercise right after this post… No homework tonight.

Tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday morning: 1/2 cup dry oatmeal = 150 calories, and multivitamin, and splenda, cinnamon, and a coffee. Diet pop for lunch. After school something around my mom, like more oatmeal, or maybe milk, cottage cheese, vegetables… 100 calories of something.

And exercise.

Well, stepmania is calling… Good night.