With the coming of winter came my appetite back. And with my appetite, came the kilos.
Within 1 month I have now gained back the last 2kg I took a lot of effort to lose during the summer. I don’t even need to look at my scales to know there is extra fat hanging off my body! It really scares and surprises me how obvious it feels and how much it’s affecting my movements and mood. The only difference now is that most of the fat is clinging onto a slightly different part of my body than last time. Just gaining 2kg makes me feel heavy, less graceful, and most notably, insecure…exactly how I felt in the past, when I was at my heaviest!
With this personal experience, I now realize the true extent of relief and joy just a few kilos of fat less can bring to my body and mind. My goal now is to lose 4kg of fat (the 2kg from before and an extra 2kg) by the end of January (in 1 month’s time). If my will to look and feel better is stronger than the pleasure I get from eating food in excess everyday, then I am sure that I can achieve it.
I was able to lose a total of around 7kg over the summer with careful eating (following a rough guide of the every-other-day-diet) and constant exercise. The first 5kg came off quickly with a normal eating and exercise because it was over my “equilibrium weight” (I was eating excessively before), but the next 2kg was harder to lose.
Unfortunately, this virtuous circle I created was first disrupted by my knee injury from biking; then from the start of uni, where I was too busy getting used to new schedules and coming home late to do anything else, as well as staying up late to do homework (lack of sleep disrupts hormones and helps gain fat); next with a 4-day conference I had to attend, where a lot of junk food was offered and I stayed up extremely late each night partying; and finally with the cold European winter: wearing too much made exercising a bigger effort and the tendency to want to store fat for warmth is simply natural human behavior.
Now the question is: can I break out of this system, this vicious circle? Is it really possible to focus on eating, exercising and losing excess fat when I have 8 exams in January to study for and many other external activities to attend? I’ve tried in the past; and I’ve failed. The stress and pressure I gave myself to get excellent grades always induced me to eat more, sleep late, exercise less and feel depressed…exactly the ingredients for gaining weight!
This time, I will not be so hopeful again like countless other times, but I will certainly do my best and regularly update on my progress. This is a good way to keep myself in check.
