come out

I know that my first few entries in this category were rather… well, depressing. I just wanted to say thanks for the awesome response and support.
So, I’ve come across an interesting concept. I have recently bumped into a friend whom I have not seen for a good 6 years. We went for a coffee together and ended up spending the whole afternoon and a good deal of the evening talking. When she asked whether I have a boyfriend, I must have had an odd expression on my face, because she added “or girlfriend?”. I surprised myself when I answered “if only…” and laughted it off. She was fine with my being gay, it made no difference at all. And I wasn’t afraid to tell her. I think that was because I am not afriad of being rejected by her because we had not been very close.
So, I can tell near-strangers, but not my family or friends. Well, there is something to work on :)

While watching tv one night last week I saw a brief commercial boasting a “supportive and friendly” site for gay and lesbian teens to chat, give and recieve advice, and form communities. So on a whim, I signed on as a guest and had an awesome (or so I thought) conversation with another member. Eventually the subject of preferences came around and the guy promptly told me he was bi. He then asked me to describe myself. When I told him that I was actually “standing on the other side of the fence” he responded by saying “well this has been and f-ing waste of time”, and asked me why the hell I even bothered talking to him. Then, within the nest few minutes (literally) a girl began a conversation with me by asking how many girls I had “f-ed in the last couple days”. Let’s just say this experience hasn’t exactly helped with this loneliness I seem to be experiencing, and has only made me question whther it’s really worth the possible rejection from friends and family to openly join the gay comunity. Not that I’m saying everyone is like that…. but it has just made me wonder.

I actually had this as one of my original goals when I joined this site about 6 months ago or so… but in the fear that someone might recognise me, I removed it. I am truely afraid of what would happen if I told anyone. I don’t know if I am more afriad of saying it out loud and confirming it to myself, or if I am afraid of losing my friends and family. My family is very religious (Roman Catholic) and both my parents have called being a homosexual a “disease” on separate occasions. My best friend had told me herself that she would rather die than be gay… So I’m not sure what I am going to do. But at least I can call it a “goal” again…