become closer to God

sometimes it’s so strong. but sometimes i just forget. and i don’t know how to fix this.

My parents were both raised Christian. My mother a Baptist and my father a Catholic. Both hated their respective churches and didn’t feel the need to pass religion down onto their children. My brother is not a Christian. I wonder how I ended up religious in this kind of environment.

My mother acts like Christians are weird, fanatical people. Some of my friends are going to Christian colleges and she is always making comments about how their college experiences will be because of the religious affiliation of the school. I think this is also based on her sister’s three month experience at a Christian college.

My mother is always doing that, making comments about Christians like they are crazy Bible-thumpers who go door to door to try and convert unwillings, like her daughter isn’t one. There are some Christians like that, most that I know aren’t. And my friends going to Christian schools? Are incredibly sweet, loving and very normal.

My whole problem with my relationship with God, is that I cannot comprehend being close to Him without my parents understanding. They have supported everything I have done and they try to show me support in my religious choice, but I know they don’t really believe in it. They don’t believe in Him and that always makes me question my faith.

My family was never really religious. My father grew up Catholic, but hated listening to sermons in Latin and dressing in a suit and tie every Sunday. My mother grew up Baptist, only because her father died when she was little and the Baptist church was the only one within walking distance. Mom never really believed in the Baptist religion: no dancing, no singing that isn’t hymns – basically, no fun.

I was baptized Catholic, only because my grandmother insisted on it.

My parents were always so vague about religion. Oh, sure, there is a God up there and he is fair and just and all that. You live with him when you die. And that was it. My family never went to church. We slept in on Sundays.