honesty — 1 year ago
I dislike a lot of the connotations that come along with the idea of honesty. When people defend themselves by saying ‘I’m just being honest’, almost always the defence is needed because they’ve just been rude or insensitive. But honesty doesn’t require people to say everything that comes into their heads. It’s no more dishonest to keep your mouth shut if you don’t like what someone is wearing than it is to be “secretive” about how many pairs of shoes you own. And the fact that an observation is true definitely doesn’t make it any less rude or insensitive.
The kind of honesty I would like to master is the kind that would let me be closer to people I love. Much as I want to ‘speak from the heart’ I actually find it really difficult, and a few people have told me that I’m someone who plays my cards very close to my chest, which isn’t the person I aspire to be at all.
On the weekend someone very very dear to me squeezed (gently) a big secret out of me, on a subject that generally renders me completely and utterly tongue-tied. Actually he did most of the talking and I only had to say yes or no, which helped a lot. But the feeling of having him understand something which has been a complex tangle I assumed I’d take to the grave with me was really incredible. It makes me want to drag down a bit more of the barbed wire surrounding my inner world…
