I blame my ex boyfriend for the way that I have decided to act and for the decisions that I have made. But I know I can’t. It isn’t his fault. I have come to realize that it is not his fault. At first, I wanted him back, and I thought that jealousy would be the best way to get back together with him.
On my eighteenth birthday, I made a decision based on my wonderful reasoning and hooked up with a guy that I barely met that day. I had seen him around before and we had mutual friends so I figured it would be ok. It turns out that he was a jerk. And so were some of his friends. They started tallking about me and telling all the guys that I was easy and that I was “one of those girls.” That bothered me for a while, but I know who I am, and my best friends know who I am, so after a while, I got over it.
I thought that I had friends that I could tell anything to and they would still be there for me. I had 7 people that I would tell everything to. However, I did something really big and when I told my friends, 3 of them showed me that they weren’t really my friends.
I hooked up with a guy over a period of time…and he had a girlfriend he had been going out with for over a year. After telling my friends this, one said he would stop talking to me if I continued doing this stuff, one threated to tell the girl, and one did tell the girl (but not who it was).
Three of my friends support me, and do not tell me what to do. They say what their opinion is, but ultimately the choice was mine. But one of my friends told me straight out how it is. He told me what would happen if I continue on this path. He didn’t want me to get mixed up in all of the negative aspects associated with hooking up with random guys. He told me I was better than this. I was on the verge of tears as we had this conversation.
I know now that I have to respect myself. I am a very smart person and I plan on changing the world one day, or at the very least, changing someone’s life. I know that if I don’t respect myself now, I will not be taken seriously.
