Have a best friend.

My best friend of 15 years just got out of rehab a few weeks ago. She stayed with me for a couple nights but left because I don’t have enough room. She said she couldn’t look for a job because she had no babysitter for her 2-year old son. But the next day she dropped him off with his drug addict father so she could go to Rocky Point with some girls. When she got back, she decided the place she was staying was not a “healthy environment.” I allowed her to stay with me one more night but when she got here she just wanted me to babysit for her! When I told her I couldn’t, she went to yet another friend’s house and ended up smoking pot. I really don’t have anything against pot; her problem was with meth. But I don’t think she has any right to be getting stoned and having fun when she’s homeless with a baby and doesn’t even have a job! I guess she knew I’d be upset because I didn’t hear from her for a few days. When she finally called me, she told me she had taken her son back to live with his father because she wasn’t in a stable place… But she hasn’t even tried to find a stable place! I’m so mad at her! I know life’s tough but I have 3 kids and I can’t imagine choosing to leave them with someone else unless I was absolutely incapable of caring for them. I’ve been through some hard times and we stayed in some pretty unstable places. Once we slept in my car for a few nights and stayed in a friend’s garage for 2 months after that. But I spent the entire time working and saving money so I could get a place for us. And most importantly, I never abandoned them! They stayed with me through it all. Kids are amazingly resilient. They can survive being poor and even homeless but being abandoned by their own mother? I don’t think there’s any way to get over that. I wish there was something I could do for her baby. He’s such a sweet little boy but already shows some effects of his parent’s neglect. Maybe I should just call CPS and pray for the best.

I think I’ll change this goal to “find a new best friend.”

Tomorrow Mindy checks out of rehab. I’m going to pick up her son in the morning and she’s going to meet us at my place when she’s released. I’m excited to see her but a little uncomfortable too. I’ve seen people go through rehab before and they always do this whole emotional apologetic thing. I just don’t think I’m up to it. I’m also a little nervous because she doesn’t have a place to live yet. She’s hoping to get into the local domestic violence shelter until she can find something more stable. I wish I could let her stay with me but there’s no room. We already have 5 people crammed in this tiny apartment! If nothing works out I will offer to keep Orion for her, but even that would be tough. And I can’t let myself jump in and fix things for her this time. That definitely has not worked in the past. I’m going to keep praying for her and leave it in God’s hands.

I’ve never been the type to have close friends. I tend to keep people somewhat distant. I’m the absolute worst at writing, calling, or encouraging contact in any way. I should probably make “keeping in touch” one of my goals but I don’t want to be unrealistic. On the flip side, I am very loyal to the people I allow myself to become close to. My only best friend since I was a little girl has been strung out on meth for the last 6 years. I’ve been through hell trying to help her, and although I love her and her son like family, we have very limited contact now. Two weeks ago she voluntarily checked into rehab and has asked me to be her only visitor. I’m picking up her son tomorrow and we’re going to all have lunch at the place. I am so hopeful for her and a little nervous too. I can’t even remember what she’s like sober. I wonder if she can?