manage my depression and anxiety

My uncle whom I haven’t seen for many years told me this weekend past that I had “that pregnancy glow thing going on”, and that he could see it even if I couldn’t.

I don’t, you know.

What I do have is the feeling that, for the first time in a long while, I am happy.
Last time he saw me I was a barely-past teenager and discontented for all I was worth. I was in a relationship that I had an inkling was going nowhere two years in (yet I stuck it out another five!) with a boy stuck in a man’s body, I was desperately poor, and it looked like I was going to continue on that way indefinitely. None of my dreams or hopes for my future looked like they’d ever be achieved.

I have achieved and done so much since then. I now have a partner whom I can see myself growing old with, we don’t have a lot of money, but we have enough, I know I’m capable of supporting myself through work, I know just how well I can live off the money I can make, I’ve lived alone here in Australia and in a sharehouse in London, and I FINALLY got to see Paris, probably my oldest dream.
And I know it’s not forever, and sometimes I still cry or feel a bit panicked, but overall I feel happy. Life is good.

This is lots easier with happy hormones, although underneath them I still sometimes catch myself doing the whole negative thinking/dwelling on stuff.
I feel even more motivated to do this lately though.

Stop Eating My Feelings.

Oh, ick.
I eat because I am tired. Because I am bored. Because I’m sad, and empty. Because I’m frustrated. Because I’m not doing anything else with my hands or mouth.
I NEVER ate this much in London, and it was much colder (granted, it was much warmer inside the house!). Well, maybe I ate this much in London towards the end… I mean, I haven’t devoured an entire carton of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting here in Australia yet.
I suspect a lot of it is that I’m sitting around on my arse so much, even when I’m crafting or on the computer. I feel as if I’m getting flabby. I have no idea if I am doing so, objectively, but I FEEL gross. I need to stop eating so much, and I probably need to get more physically active. If only it wasn’t so damn cold!
Nevermind; tomorrow I start tai chi classes with the wicked fairy. I expect to be sore and tired and happier! :)

I was diagnosed with both depression and anxiety.
The therapy and antidepressants have helped me feel more normal and in control of myself on a daily basis, but every so often something happens that’s quite stressful, and I don’t deal with it very well.
I want the panic attacks to stop, and the sudden crying jags. I don’t want people to be afraid of my reactions. I want to feel capable of coping.