communicate more effectively

I’ve been reading a book about communicating assertively which is really helping give me some ideas of where/how to improve. My partner even did some of the exercises in the book with me which was encouraging.

I find this so much more natural – and necessary now that I’m away from my dysfunctional father and trying to work on my communication skills and relationships independently. I WANT to be able to communicate and argue healthily but since I was never really taught how it’s hard to learn at this age! I hope I’m doing a good job, my bf seems to think I am. I love having an honest trusting relationship with my close friends. There isn’t any need in my life to be passive-aggressive or closed up or manipulative. Those days are gone.
D & I are going to have A LOT of honest communicating to do with him moving overseas next year and I’m ready for the challenge.

on Sunday when bf and I were talking about me moving out. I think it’s becoming easier..! It’s so difficult to stop from clamming up but I’m trying to just push through that feeling since I know nothing bad will actually happen.

Had a really good chat with D about our plans over the next year, moving out & overseas etc.
I actually said what I wanted to!
And it was such a relief to finally understand each other.

Did a bit of this today. It’s so hard! Glad I did it though. At least D has a bit more of an idea what it is I’m so upset about now. No point keeping it to myself!

had a big D&M with one of my best friends yesterday (who to add insult to injury has just gotten engaged) about how most of the problems I’m having in my relationship are not because we’re wrong for each other/incompatible/have fallen out of love or because of my depression. A lot of it comes down to me not communicating very effectively so he has no idea how upset or worried I am about issues and thinks that we’re just going along fine. I know if I got some of my issues out into the open he would be very supportive and we could address them together but it’s very hard for me to be that assertive. I’m starting to realise how much work long-term relationships can be, since we’re well & truly out of the ‘head over heels’ stage now.

I can be pretty bad at communicating assertively with my partner. I was brought up with parents who thought I should be ‘seen and not heard’ and despite knowing my partner very well and going out with him for few years I still have trouble getting out of this habit of just being meek, not bringing things up and waiting for him to make decisions even when I have strong opinions I want to share.

Tonight it’s time to address and important conversation I’ve been avoiding about whether I should just find a new place to rent by myself or if we’re going to keep planning to move in together. I’ve thought a lot about what I think on this topic, just need to be strong enough to bring it up and complete a conversation without chickening out!