live in the moment

...and I’m ok. I haven’t been missing him up until now (it’s day 11) and that’s only b/c i’ve suddenly come down with the flu and i’m feeling a bit mopey and tired (no doubt it’s the drugs!). But I’ve been keeping busy and I don’t feel nearly as sad as I thought I would. Living in the moment definitely works when you do it right.

Today I finally sat down at my computer and chose which photos I should have printed off for my new photo frame (it’s got 2 sideways panels and one vertical one for a slightly larger size photo).

I chose one of my sister and I at her birthday, one of the rose my bf D bought me for Xmas last year, and one of my friends and I at the “pirates and wenches” fundraiser for the musical a couple of months ago (nothing naughty – it’s just a photo of us laughing and pulling faces!).

And just choosing the photos it’s funny the way they suddenly transport me back in time – to places and peoples hearts and warm fuzzy feelings.

Obviously photos are a way of preserving the past but what struck me – and consequently made me think of this goal – is that I purposefully didn’t choose a photo of my bf and I. D and I have some really nice photos together (esp since he graduated not long ago and I was at the ceremony) yet I chose not to put him up there. Although his rose did make it up there I suppose.

Is it odd that I avoided putting one of him up there lest I have to take it down one day?! We’ve only been going out 7 months and while everything is (unbelieveably) perfect, it was just at the back of my mind whilst choosing photos that anything could happen in the future.

Hmmm… not really sure if I have a point to this entry. I spose it’s just been a ‘live in the moment’ reality check. Photos evidently weren’t meant for achieving that!

i had gotten back to sydney after a long and euphoric trip to stay with friends and generally be crazy and young in italy. Life here was not nearly so stimulating, i wasn’t the centre of attention anymore, there were a whole heaps of problems at home and i was finding my uni courses last sememster quite boring. “living in the moment” was a distinct impossibility at the time, my head was full of italy memories and daydreaming. For a while there i was having real troule motivating myself to even get out of bed in the mornings… and i was beating myself up for things going on at home that weren’t all my fault.
From some really dark place where i sat around my room all day, on the net or wondering what to do with myself i forced myself to go out and get my life back. And it was terrifying; i’m naturally a shy person and i wasn’t feeling positive about myself in general. But somehow, slowly, i’ve gotten myself back together and these last 3 months have been wonderful. I haven’t been doing anything out of the ordinary, just keeping myself busy, but it’s been wonderful the cathatsis of coming out of it, and knowing that i pulled myself out when i could have slid further into apathy…
Anyhow, my point is, i think 43things has been really instrumental in getting me here; reminding me that these things are long term and take patience, helping me think out exactly what my goals are, and watching other people and their progress so i remember i’m not alone.
within the last few months i’ve crossed “be motivated” and “stop beating myself up because i’m not perfect” off my list and IT FEELS GREAT. those are the kind of huge goals you can never imagine having an end, but 43things has really helped me keep goals at the back of my mind, stay on track and in the moment.
“live in the moment” is staying on the list for now, i’m not quite done but i’m learning all the time. To all those people who have cheered my goals on getting me better, and shared with me their stories over the past couple of months, thank you!

i’ve actually been doing really well at this lately without trying; i’ve been so busy as i’m at the end of my uni semester and grease opens tomoro night!!!
Listening to some of my italian music today transported me right back and suddenly i was missing them all again. But these days i don’t feel like that ALL the time, just occassionally, which i suppose is only healthy to an extent. The point is to try not to dwell on it. I’ve been making progress on this goal, slowly, and i’m enjoying it.

one big obstacle hindering my progress on this goal is NOW GONE! because i’ve finally realised it’s time to GET OVER HIM! of course i’ve known it for a long time, but some part of mr was stuck in the past, reliving something i had 2 years ago, and wouldn’t let it go. but it was getting draining, and stopping me from moving on. i’ve had a good past couple of days and realised that i have so many other friends who are around ATM, who actually care about me. I wrote some stuff HE wrote in his blog last week – quite candid stuff actually – i don’t know, just woke up. it’s time to stop living in the past, wishing for things that never happened and never would have and take charge. i think the hardest part is admitting he knew and had me wrapped around his little finger. oh well, time to LIVE IN THE MOMENT some more!