admit what I really want

i want…
to live my dreams as well – not to look back on my youth and see that i sat around waiting for D to come home, rescue me and put a ring on my finger.
i want the option to take a year off studying to earn some money or do that exchange program to japan or go and teach little kids to speak english in south america. Or maybe just the option to chose to do everything in the way and order that everyone else tells me to but for my own reasons. Why should I feel tied down when I’m so young?

...him to take his shirt off too. if i do it for him he should do me the same. i don’t care if he doesn’t have a six pack under there and he thinks i would be indifferent to it. I’m not. :P

...to go back to italy.
As soon as I can.
God I miss everyone there.
I do try to distract myself and keep really busy but once evey while the feeling just overcomes me. It’s been one of those weeks.
But in reality it’ll probably be another 2-3 years before i have money/time off uni and it even becomes a possibility =(

I haven’t actually put too much thought to this goal yet… It’s been at the back of my mind, but without really trying I seem to have adopted a more assertive stance since I chose it. It’s ok to have my own feelings and wishes, and ok to share them with people occasionally. Actually I’m really starting to change the way I view my relationship – it can’t just be a one-way thing. I came into this relationship not really even knowing what I wanted. This goal is making me realise it’s perfectly normal for me to not have any idea, but also to start exploring and figuring it out.

...i’ve never been the type to be assertive about what i want, half the time i don’t even know because i’m not used to considering it. But it’s refreshing too and i’m learning more about myself trying to do this.