overcome depression

depression as it is about jealousy. Though the jealousy did lead to a little depression. A couple nights ago my friend came over all excited because her boyfriend has just proposed to her. I was and am happy for her but old feelings of loneliness, resentment and now jealousy reared their ugly head. This is a very sore subject for me and I thought I made peace with it several years ago. When another friend got engaged years ago I did not have these ugly feelings. Now out of nowhere here they are. I spent so many years trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and doing things short of plastic surgery to improve my looks. I cringe at the memory of being in bars with friends in my 20s looking for the one. When that friend got married a few years ago I was genuinely happy for her and I want to be genuinely happy for this friend but it’s being clouded by all these other feelings. It doesn’t help that family members are always asking if I have a boyfriend, if I’m getting married and whatnot. In the process of making peace I no longer look. I’ve resolved to live life alone with dogs as my companions. Dogs won’t stab in you back or betray you. I guess I’m done venting now.

a great med minder. It has seven compartments for your meds and in the middle there’s a timer that you can set. When I was having trouble remembering to take my meds people suggested setting a timer or clock. I did that but when it went off I didn’t necessarily think “time to take my meds”. However, with this gadget when the timer goes off the medication is right there in your face all set out. I thought it was a great idea for people like me who may have trouble remembering. I saw this in a catalog I got in the mail. I swear my name and address is on a billboard somewhere with the amount of catalogs I get. Anyway, I just thought I would share this.

April 30 was my last day in therapy. My therapist and I had been talking about this for some time. Of course, we discussed whether I wanted to move on to someone else or not. Of course, insurance issues had a hand in this. Damn those insurance companies. In the end, I decided I could use a break. I’ve been going straight for 8 years now since my beloved grandmother died. Never in a million years thought I’d finally reach a place where I could somewhat accept the fact that she’s gone. In no way do I think this is the end of depression but, generally speaking, I’m stable and have the tools I need. I don’t think the depression will ever go away since I’ve struggled with it since I was 8 years old but I can always try to make the most of my days and do all I can to pull myself out of the hole when I feel myself on the edge.

from the pharmacy and THERE’S NO WAY I’M TAKING IT. It increases your risk for diabetes and you are to inform your doctor of any family history of it. When it was prescribed I did not know this and I don’t believe this doctor knows my medical history. I don’t have diabetes but it’s all over my family tree. That coupled with my being overweight increases my risk two-fold. I left a message for the doctor. I’ve never just outright refused to take a medication and I’ve had good doctors over the years who have been cautious in what they prescribe me. I have no problem if the doctor wants to prescribe something else but I’m not taking this one. NO WAY!!!!!!

this is good news or bad news. I saw my shrink and she’s added another medication to go along with my regular med for depression to help with this funk I’ve been in. I have hopes of one day getting off medication and now I’ve got another one to contend with. Another one I have to remember to take. I keep hoping that one day my depression will go away completely. Maybe it’s time I just face facts and think of it as one of those illnesses that NEVER go away and accept it. This is not easy for me and is depressing, in an of itself. Ugh! I feel that if I accept that it’s forever then I’m giving up the hope that I have.

a low grade depression lately. Everyone’s first question is what’s going on to cause it. Sometimes I really hate that question. When you have clinical depression like I do and for as long as I’ve had it there isn’t always a reason. It just is. Period. And the weather DOES NOT make a difference. It could be a beautiful day out and all I want to do is stay in bed. There doesn’t always have to be a reason. I wish people could understand that.

whether I can declare this goal completed but after a talk with a good friend it seems that I still have some work to do. And away she goes…....

that exercise helps with depression. I don’t know how many times I’ve read this and just nodded. Now that I’m actually exercising I’m amazed at how good I feel. I’m not just talking physically. I expected that much but emotionally speaking. It’s easier for me to feel more positive and think more positively. It’s almost like the exercise is doing more for me than the little blue pill. I’m sure it’s a combination of both but I’d be curious to see how well I would do with just exercise everyday. Hmmm!

at remembering to take my meds. I’m glad about that.

to take my meds everyday. I’ve switched from taking it at night to taking it in the morning and trying to get used to the switch. It hasn’t been easy. After a few days of missing it I start to feel the side effects. On the brighter side, I haven’t sunk into a funk so that’s good. I have to figure out what will help me to remember to take that damn pill.