quit smoking one day at a time

Passed another test. I was with my good friend today and she was smoking. I saw the cigarettes sitting there and right away it was like I had the good angel on one shoulder and the bad angel on the other.

The good angel kept telling me “Think about this. You don’t want to blow all your hard work. Think about that heaviness in your chest. One puff CAN hurt. It’ll take 3 DAYS to get that nicotine out of your system. You’re better than this. Don’t let that stupid ass poison run your life”.

The bad angel kept saying, “oh, come on. One won’t hurt. Stop being a wuss. You’ll take a few puffs and put it down. What can it hurt?”

I’m proud to say I listened to the good angel and told the bad angel where he could go. I was even offered a cigarette and turned it down with no problems. I know I should probably avoid smokers right now but if I do that I feel like I AM letting the cigarettes run my life; like I’m allowing the cigs to tell me where I can and cannot go. I refuse to do that anymore.

stay on the Chantix for 3 months. However, I have lapsed in taking the daily pill. I haven’t smoked but the thoughts of smoking have really increased. I don’t have any physical cravings. In fact, I’m not really craving, per se. I just keep thinking about them. I’m really not sure what to do at this point. Should I go back on the pill even though I’m not smoking and have no cigarettes around me? Or should I continue on pill free and just do everything I can to distract myself?

I am officially nicotine free…..from head to toe. The bad news is, if this is bad news, I still find myself thinking about having a cigarette. It’s not like a craving. They’re just thoughts….passing thoughts. I’m still taking the Chantix and I think I better stick with it for awhile longer so I don’t mess up. The wheezing is gone (for the most part…had to take 2 puffs off the inhaler this morning)and the shortness of breath is gone. I can already go up and down the steps without being short of breath. I’m also doing better around other smokers. That big temptation I used to have is very mild now. I just think about that first puff and how nasty it was in the early weeks of Chantix. That takes care of any temptation I might have and I’m fine. I just hope that this time it sticks. The last time I quit I remained a non smoker for 3 years and then it all went to pot.

It was one of those weeks where you just want to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes…..EVERYDAY….but I didn’t. I’m still faithfully taking my Chantix and treating the cigs like the plague. I’m passed the point where you reach for a cig and then realize that there’s not one there. I still find myself thinking about having one after eating. Grrrr! What is with that?! It’s not like it’s some built-in dessert choice.

I’ve been having WAY MORE dreams than usual. The other night I had dream of when I was living in the place I grew up and Amy Winehouse lived across the hall. In the dream her place was THE place to go for drugs. Now mind you, I don’t know anything about this woman. I’ve only seen and heard bits and pieces about her in the media. How she, of all people, ended up in my dreams I will never know.

My friend N is also trying to quit smoking so I’m trying to encourage her as much as I can. She was trying to quit with Chantix but switched to cold turkey. It hasn’t been pretty but we try to make light of it and laugh about it because we both know what a nightmare quitting can be.

I’m still taking the Chantix. I’m up to 2mg a day. Sometimes I feel like I want a cigarette so I go have one but after the first or second puff I don’t want it anymore. Really the only time that I feel I really want one is after I eat but, like I said before, if I wait a little while the feeling passes.

Yesterday was the big test, though. I was with my best friend. I’ve always smoked more than her but for some reason I turn into more of a chimney with her. I think it’s all the talking and having a good time. Anyway, I only had half of a cigarette. I’ve noticed that if I try to smoke more than a couple puffs I may smoke half the cigarette. I can’t even handle a whole one anymore. Even about after the 3rd puff I’m thinking “this is disgusting. I don’t want this anymore”.

I had my doubts about Chantix before but it seems I was wrong. It does work. I doubted whether it would work for me but I see it clearly does work. I’ve practically gone from a pack a day to barely able to stand half of one cigarette in a whole day. From what I’ve been told you’re supposed to stay on Chantix for 3 months but the way things are going for me I’m wondering if I should even bother with the next 2 months. Maybe, I should, just so I don’t relapse. I don’t know.

I managed to get my hands on a month supply of Chantix. I started a week ago. So far I think it’s working great. I really don’t crave cigarettes at all. The only time I actually think I want a cigarette is after I eat but if I wait just a little bit the feeling passes. The only problem is I’m smoking a cigarette or 2 a day but it’s purely out of habit. I’ve planned that starting tomorrow it’s completely smoke free time. I hope it goes well. I feel confident that I’ll make it this time.

since I moved a week ago I notice I’ve cut way down. I used to smoke a pack a day. Now, most likely because I have to go outside to smoke, I notice I’ve cut way down to about 4 cigarettes a day. I no longer have the option of mindlessly lighting up at the computer or in front of the TV. I still hope to get the patch but I want to buy 6 boxes at once and I just don’t have $300 laying around. I don’t want to consciously think about cutting down because then I’ll start feeling restricted and crave the poison more. Perhaps I can come up with some clever way to trick myself into avoiding the damn thing altogether without feeling restricted. Ha, good luck with that.

“I Think I Love My Wife”. There’s this girl who is smoking in just about every scene she’s in. It was REALLY getting on my nerves. I thought Hollywood was doing away with smoking characters. Anyway, after so many scenes I was ready to reach through the TV and snatch that damn cigarette out of her hand. Yeah, I could’ve stopped watching but I’m a HUGE movie buff and once a movie has my attention for one reason or another I have to see it through to the end. Needless to say, I won’t be watching this one again as I sometimes do.

still a work in progress. I’m not giving up. Any encouraging words are most welcome.

the patch yet but I’m still planning on it. I also want to say a big THANK YOU to all those supporting me and for all your wonderful comments.