be happy

i guess its still a matter of self-discovery. i dont know if im happier now, but i definitely will say ive found more things to be happy about. more updates to come.

i dont know. i need to start thinking about what i am doing. sad smile? haha.

i did 14 entries on this already, and i really dont know how horrible i am when it comes to moods. they swing a lot, dont they? sigh.

im okay for now. i wonder if ill ever really achieve the goal, but there were times when i really felt very happy. we’ll see.

i dont like this feeling. i dont like this feeling. i really really dont.

but i dont see what i can do about it. i think its really because im me. perhaps one day ill just wake up and realise how stupid a person i can be.

urgh. maybe i just need a good night’s sleep.

a lie, that was all it was. to myself, that is. but i was happy while it lasted really.

so im fine. i think. i really want someone to turn to.

im happy. even if its a lie, even if im lying to myself.. im happy now. really.

sometimes i think im a very predictable person, dont you think? i cnt stand it if sad things happen.. having to face problems is a definite no-no. tts why my smile is always there.

siyu and joy both say i need to learn to be a little selfish. yah, perhaps so. ive been telling a lot of people, that the most important person is themselves.. but i havent really been practising that.

you did open my eyes, in a way.

命運真的會作弄人。

i only can say that. that is the first thing that comes to my mind, really.

幸せなのか分かんないけど。今大丈夫。

oh, the irony.

sometimes escaping is a good plan, dont you think? but when you know you cnt, then perhaps a stealing a little time is good too.

the unhappiest i have been since i started this. i really really wanted to be happy, but events i couldnt control took over.

but i will be happy. i have 43things!

with christmas and new year celebrations i havent had the time to look at the stuff here. a little update..

hmm. i dont know. yeaps, my emotions do still flunctuate a lot, but i think i know how to calm myself down enough to notice things. and i think i try not to let a lot of things affect me. sometimes its really just a smile that keeps me going.

im happy, at the moment. not exhilarated, but at least, there’s this certain sort of calm or something. it might be gone tmr for all i know, but im smiling now. =)

off to cameron highlands with yanting, andy and andre in a short while. time to take some personal time off to relax and not think about anything.

we’ll enjoy ourselves. things happening over the past few weeks have not been as bad as someone might have imagined. sigh. sometimes we just end up hurting ourselves eh?

haha. i’ll be happy. christmas does tt to people. ^^