face any and all fears directly

I am scared of a lot more then I let on. I used to play the hardcore, “Im an independent bad ass girl card alot”. Now that I have sufficiently fallen in love and gone and gotten all soft…haha…. I realize that there are a lot more things that I am willing to admit that I am afraid of. I believe this is a good thing. It allows me to be more vulnerable as well as gives me something to work towards over coming. It lets my man have something to do for me as well, as I tend to be very self sufficient…just ask him lol.

about myself lately. I don’t finish things. I leave things at about 90% completion. I think that I am afraid that if I finish it will show my incompetence. Crazy right? Considering that I look pretty incompetent with all of this half finished projects around me. But honestly, if its not done I can say “oh yep, its crappy because its not finished”. But if its done and still crappy then its a true reflection of my inability. Plus I think I have a slight case of ADD. So, my intention this week is to be very observant of this and really complete some of my projects and realize that failure is not something to be afraid of. Its to be embraced so that you can move forward.

each passing week causes me to feel more strongly for this person. I am doing my best to keep all of this in perspective and to be objective. I feel that I am doing a good job. Yet, the root issue here has so much to do with me and my fear of being vulnerable. I do not like to be at the mercy of other people. I don’t like not having things under control. I guess thats why its called FALLING for someone rather than CHARTING YOUR WAY through love but its still rough! He and I both have a lot of trust issues… and i think that dealing with them soon would be great…for my mental state!

been of the emotional sort… not the ones i like to deal with. I have been avoiding these for most of my life. I come across as the completley put together, intelligent, successful, level headed person…. at this specific venture in time I am actually very AFRAID of being rejected and failing… and believe me that is very hard to admit. I am seeing a guy that I TOTALLY like.. more than I have EVER liked someone before and I am paralyzed by fear! Things are very good between us and he is giving me all the go forward signals yet I continue to be afraid that something this good must come to an end… isnt’t that how the saying goes??

So what does this mean? Do i intentionally sabotage myself? DO I subconciously feel that I am unworthy of this relationship? ARGH…. this is why I stay away from these sorts of things…. my first born capricorn have everything under control personality does not do well with uncertainty…

I have resolved to just let it be what it may and not overanalyze anything but there are those moments just before falling asleep and when you are sitting quietly in your house that you just can’t help but fell like you are going a bit crazy…

How can I accomplish my goal of facing any fear directly in this situation?? Any good advice out there??