practice rigorous honesty

There is “what am I honestly feeling” and “what are (one perspective on) the facts about what is happening?” The second is just never available to me in an unbiased way…it’s always colored by the first. So I’m finding myself speaking a lot about the first, but revising myself as I present the second: first one scenario, then another, hmmm….I find myself saying, “a productive way to look at this is…,” or “the opportunity here seems to me to be…”

Interesting. In some ways it’s more subjective than before, but I feel so light as I say it, the breeze of giving up responsibility.

with honesty. In my work as a doctor I need to urge people to do “the next thing” – what is needed – truthfully and also because it is the proper thing for their welfare. In recommending that a patient take a driving test, who I thought might not pass, I was first honest “I am confident the outcome will be the right thing for you,” but then later said, “I feel sure they can help you.”

Now that I write it down I realize that both were honest. And oh, by the way, “Nobody’s perfect”

!

Well, I had a challenge to rigorous honesty on Sat, with an unexpected visit from two young evangelical Christians doing service by spreading the word of their church. It is interesting that I was unable to tell them what I now realize was honest: 1) that I admire and salute their service to others and expression of values 2) that I celebrate their commitment and actions, it’s wonderful to see young people taking the spirit seriously 3) that though I want to acknowledge God at any opportunity, I feel compelled to keep conversations about my belief private, sharing them with those I trust after knowing well.

Unfortunately, although I did not lie, I did not tell the whole truth above. Fear (flashing on the intimidation I felt in similar conversations as a child) interfered. It was reasonable for me to acknowledge that I did not expect to have a conversation about a private subject with strangers, on a quiet morning…that was the truth that was missing.

Honesty has much more power than the “goodness” I first believed I would find in it.