this is my biggest goal yet, a life-time goal. i’ve been on 60mg of paxil a day for more years than i care to admit even to myself… and i know, i just know in my heart of hearts that i no longer need it – i know, in fact, that i never did need it. i’ve learned so many positive coping techniques, and have opened myself to alternative explorations… homeopathic and naturopathic medicines help me keep balanced; yoga and meditation help me keep a spiritual perspective on everything; breathing exercises, seeing my counselor regularly, embracing every one of my little insanities… i am becoming so good at self-care! it is so sad that i am so addicted to this substance, that i’ve tried and failed so many times in weening myself off of it – even with the help of an entire team of naturopathic doctors, acupunturists, counselors, massage therapists, lovers. i get so incredibly physically ill. i gap out, faint. it’s disgusting. i don’t know how, or when, but someday… someday, i’m going to get off of this poison drug. and it will feel so fucking good to have a clean body, free of mind-altering substances, to know and feel what it is to just be myself, without bizarre paxil side effects.