Only speak positive words about others.

Giving talks and job interviews means being on my best behavior, both in terms of being diplomatic with negative opinions and being effusive when praise is deserved. I’m SO glad I was already working on this.

btw, I LOVE these examples of how to be diplomatic from the best academic job search guide ever written :

You mean: “Almost everyone in Prof. V’s group quit in disgust last year.”
You say: “I know that there are some students who had problems with Prof. V, but I don’t know all the details.”

You mean: “Prof. W is racist and sexist.”
You say: “Some people feel that Prof. W is most comfortable with white men.”

You mean: “People expect Prof. X to be denied tenure in a few years.”
You say: “I’d be concerned about working with Prof. X, because he doesn’t have tenure, and it’s always something of a craps shoot at Drofnats University.”

You mean: “Prof. Y appropriated one of his student’s thesis work for his start-up.”
You say: “Prof. Y has a start-up, and there’s been some concern about the independence of it and his research group.”

You mean: “I can’t think of anything good to say about Prof. Z, and none of the charges have been proven.”
You say: “I really don’t know much about Prof. Z; I’m sorry.”

in my professional life. I have ongoing frustrations with one colleague who doesn’t play well with others, but I really want to stop bitching about it. A year or two ago, I made a clean break with complaining about another colleague, and we get along amazingly well now. I’d like to do the same here, but it’s going to be much more challenging considering that he had me literally yelling curses at my email at work just a couple days ago!

Doris is doing an amazing job with this goal. I want in :)

I have been concerned that having a goal like this would prevent me from sharing needed information with my closest friends. For example, if my best friend were to ask, “I’m interested in dating so-and-so; what do you think?” or “How is such-and-such as an advisor?” and I mouthed platitudes instead of expressing real concerns, I’d be a bad friend. So it’s all about how to get my opinion across while making clear that they are just my opinions. And to keep my criticisms VERY narrow and specific.

We’ll see how this goes.