Easier than I thought.
Thus far everything has gone exactly how I planned and there is a great deal of gratification in that. I was done with the Air Force 3 months 14 days after I made my original post here making it my #1 goal in life. A decision I’ll never regret, of that, at least, I am sure.
In a somewhat surreal and ironic turn of events they gave me a medal I had earned the year before literally days before I was a free man. Ah, the wheels of bureaucracy turn slowly – usually.
Leaving the Air Force is the wellspring from which all of my hopes and dreams flow.
If I can do this without ending up in chains or in a box in the ground I will consider myself indebted to the universe.
I was ready to give up on life, ready to die.
To me joining the Air Force was a way to die. That is how I conceptualized the whole process – as death. To die and be reborn after 4 years of supressing my will, my freedom, my personality, my thoughts, myself.
In reality this sort of thing never works out how you expect it to. Everything went pretty much as planned for about a year and a half but then suddenly one day I unexpectedly “woke up” from my slumber – took a look around me – and was disgusted by what I saw.
Obviously my mentality when joining was a real recipe for success! It’s no wonder things have worked as they have…
I’ll be out of here soon.
the Air Force is hardly the source of my problems and unhappiness. It’s not like life was going just peachy and then I randomly decided to join the Air Force and my whole life crashed and burned.
No, I am better off today than I was a few years back and it is a result of being in the Air Force.
However, I really feel like I have grown in this period of time – outgrown the Air Force. I am not satisfied with my life and the first and biggest obstacle to changing my life is getting out of the Air Force. I feel helpless, trapped, and stifled. I really only have one option.
Getting out of the Air Force will not make me happy or solve any of my problems – however, getting out seems to be a prerequisite to doing so.