not smoke for 3 days

and then i went over to a friend’s house and we had a nice dinner party, drank a good amount of wine, i came home and said “f it, i want to smoke”. i bought a pack of smokes and started smoking like not a day had gone by. how sad that it will always be in my “blood”, how sad that i want something so disgusting that makes me feel disgusting. disgusting. disgusting.
so here i am, a month later and desiring to quit, especially since i told my mom i would.
why do i smoke? well, does it even matter why? kind of and yet, not really. yes, it helps me plug up a flood of emotions that too often (in my opinion) overcome me. i know how to better deal with feeling disappointed in myself for smoking than feeling disappointed in myself for things relating to an ex-man, i will not say more.
however, why do i not smoke? i “not smoke” because i feel more alive, i feel cleaner, i don’t have to shower everytime i’m going to hang out with someone who i don’t want to know i’ve started up again, i don’t cough, i can work out like a maniac and get all my energy out, i don’t think about cigarettes as i hang out with people but instead i think about them, i don’t constantly get depressed about the lines that i’ll get around my mouth and (if i may say so) cute lips. mostly, i just know it is the right way to live, a better way to live.
i bought a pack tonight and i would really like to smoke them tomorrow but i am going to be a woman and throw them away in the morning. i might cry as i do this, as i say goodbye to a perfectly good pack of smokes.
ok, i think i’ll have one more and then go to bed and dream something really nice.

and it has been some time now but boy, do I ever want a cigarette right now. I could probably smoke an entire pack right now but I will continue to resist that urge and not do so. It hasn’t been this difficult in a long time. If I smoke one cigarette, though, I will not be able to quit. I need to get back to doing Krav Maga and who cares that I have an injured toe! I can still punch even if I can’t kick. Wow, I want to smoke really bad. Let this be a reminder to anyone else trying to quit or who already has quit that it is hard as f*^% to quit but it must be done – there ARE better things in life than a cigarette.

that I can say I’ve done this but I’ve done it! It has been over 17 days since I have smoked a cigarette (I stopped counting at 17)! It has been one of the ONLY things I have been concentrating on. One goal at a time (especially when they are ones that are really important like quitting smoking).

I started telling people I had quit after 3 or 4 days of not smoking and I have gotten nothing but encouragement from them and strength. What is one thing I’ve learned?: it has to start with ME, an effort I make, but then when you show your effort, others jump on board with you and encourage you (I can’t expect others to GIVE me courage). Alright, I will end this entry now. Time to discover what to ADD to my life now that I have subtracted something very large from my life.

Abby

I have one cigarette left and I’m not going to buy another pack. It’ll be hard because tomorrow is my day off. I am not going to smoke anymore. I feel like I am going to fall apart if I don’t have another cigarette ever again.

I am sick and I am still smoking. I know I want to quit but I really don’t want to so I am going to start with 3 days: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (19-21). I am not excited about this. I have quit before, but obviously it didn’t stick. What does it take for it to stick?

I smoke. I am a smoker. I love smoking. I grew up in Europe and I loved the smell of smoke even when I was little. This is going to be one of the hardest things for me to do. It makes me happy, it calms me down, it adds to any excitement I am already feeling, I really do love it. How sad that I LOVE something that makes me smell like shit to others…