find true friends

well. i’m an aquarius so i have a hard time opening up to people anyways but my past makes it damn near impossible for me to trust anyone. i have a friend now who used to be my best friend and now we aren’t so close. i feel like she is jealous of me, my relationship with my boyfriend, just different shit. i have very very few friends as it is, not because i don’t want more but because i feel like the people i’m surrounded by are fake, two faced, etc. so i have no real ambition to go meet people who i feel don’t truly like me or will just use me and talk shit behind my back. it’s really hard for me to meet people too. i was expelled from school when i was 15 years old, which i KNOW doesn’t help. I don’t have a car, dunno how to drive, don’t have a job, don’t go to school; how the hell am i supposed to meet people? ugh i get so damn frustrated, i’m sooooooo tired of not having a friend i can call when i’m sad or something great happens. i feel like it’s me, its my fault, but i know deep down it’s not. ahhh i just want to find GENUINE mature people whom i really relate with, right now i feel as if i’m hanging out with people i don’t really care for and who don’t really care for me just so i won’t be so damn lonely. PATHETIC!