kick seasonal depression in the ass before it kicks mine

“All the leaves are brown
and the sky is grey”
California Dreamin’ John Phillips; Michelle Gilliam

Stepping out onto the carpet of brown leaves covering my yard and driveway today I felt the same melancholy that I do every year when the leaves fall. It makes me think of death in a general sense and the impending cold and bleak of the winter coming soon.

It also reminds me of how I am no longer in the physical shape I need to be in to take care of the leaves that cover my entire yard each fall. Past efforts at leaf removal on my own have left me with back pain and migraines. I don’t like it when the leaves fall and winter comes. It makes me feel helpless and alone.

I don’t intend to have a pity party, but I do need to take note of how those brown, lifeless leaves make me feel and not let them have power over my emotions. They are dead. I am not.

My new workspace provides plenty of light, to the point of blinding me for a short while in the late afternoon. However, I think this new building with windows nearly from floor to ceiling will be very helpful in controlling the seasonal depression. My previous work environment was a windowless office and did nothing to provide me with the sunlight exposure I need so desperately in the winter. I’m hoping for a change.

was the first year in quite a while where I actually had a good winter. I had serious doubts about whether I would make it through several winters before that because the depression was so severe . Last fall, I was able to recognize some of the symptoms of S.A.D. coming on before they became overwhelming and was able to get the help I needed early enough to avoid most of the symptoms. I was hoping to do the same this year and think that I have identified the problem earlier than last year. I am taking immediate measures, with the approval of my doctor, to try to keep this from getting out of control so I can have another “good” winter and another winter, period.