carve away everything that is not me

between the person I am in my mind and the body in which I walk around in life. This primarily has to do with extra weight. I am often surprised when I see my full-length reflection and am reminded that I am currently traveling through my life in a body that does not reflect the person I am inside. I take full responsibility for this as I am the one who controls how I take care of my body. It is my job to improve it.

I have no desire to reach some model-thin ideal or turn back time nor do I want to achieve a perfect body. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin and be able to dress in a way that represents the person inside me.

I have my work cut out for me but the reward will certainly be worth the work.

inside or out

I have red hair and tattoos and like to do “fun things” with nail decorations.
I love art, music, thinking outside the box, brainstorming, staying up all night, discussing quirky topics, using my imagination, and sometimes providing TMI.

I work with a conservative group of people who would prefer that I not be this way.

If left to my own devices and no set schedule, such as an at-home vacation, I always find myself slipping into a routine of being awake at night and going to bed in the morning. I function exceedingly well that way. Unfortunately, that routine does not fit in well with the rest of the world.

I have struggled for years to fit in a world, most of which, is structured around starting a day in the morning. It seems reasonable enough. After all, that is when the sun comes up and when it becomes light out, making outside and even inside activities easier due to better visibility.

The profession I have chosen and otherwise enjoy follows the typical schedule with the work day beginning in the morning. Fortunately, my employer offers flexible work schedules allowing me to start my work day as late as 9:00 a.m. This, of course, is still early for me, but it is very helpful to have that option.

In all other respects, though, I have found myself continually trying to become a morning person so as to fit in with the standard and take advantage of all of the benefits of rising early and getting numerous things done before going to work. It all sounds so reasonable and desirable: Get up early, have some quiet time, do some journaling, make and eat breakfast, have a cup of coffee on the deck and listen to the birds – all before getting ready for work and still getting to work on time.

I have tried for so long to reach that goal of being a morning person and being enviably productive first thing in the morning. Instead I continue to find it a struggle just to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. I think it is time I accepted the fact that I am not – and probably will never be – a morning person. Instead of trying to get up earlier and getting more done in the morning before leaving my house, I am going to concentrate on being the best non-morning person I can be.

I will focus on getting more things done in the evening in preparation for the next morning so that I can get up just early enough to allow myself sufficient time to get ready for work without hurrying or worrying about being late to work.

nor do I need to be

I need to stop expecting perfection from myself
and others need to stop expecting it from me