eat clean

I have done really well since winter break. I’ve been sober for a week with purging and for some reason, I feel like I’ve gained a little more self-control since admitting I have a problem. While I’m still not totally normal, normal as in the head, I am seeing a dietitian in a week or two. Ironic, isn’t it, that I have to see a nutritionist when I’m majoring in that? First step is admitting. That’s all that matters. Everybody needs help sometimes.

Did pretty good..I feel myself gaining control again.
Wheaties w/skim milk and a handful of blueberries. Sometimes if I milk left in the bowl, I’ll finish it up with a different cereal. I did today w/grape nuts trail mix crunch. I also had an apple w/PB. Before my run I had a Chewy brand chocolate chip granola bar. And I just got done eating 1 1/2 PB sandwiches w/a cup of 1% choc. milk. Later I’ll probably have an apple or orange.

I ate pretty good today!

I had Wheaties w/skim milk and a banana with PB this morning, pretty in control as well. Early evening I had no sugar added Mott’s applesauce and then did my long run. A little bit ago I had an Amy’s burrito and stir fry vegetables. I did have a craving and ate two chocolate chip cookies, but at least I stopped and didn’t keep eating.

Peace.

Ate like absolute shit STILL! Cookies, funfetti cake, just NON STOP. I hate it. This is terrbile for my body, for my running, for my self-esteem. Nothing but a viscious cycle. I really can’t wait to go back to school and start w/classes, and go to yoga, and have to train on a set time. I’ve been doing nothing but praying, too. Please pray for me to get this under control.

Still not off to a great start with the new year…Fruity pebbles, pop tarts, and chocolate lately. At least I got those Fiber One pop tarts. And Wheaties cereal today. Now I need to just stop being lazy and get some self-confidence.

I have been eating like absolute shit for the past few months. I get stuck in these ruts and eat the same things over and over again. For example, I’ll eat nothing but cereal, or apple sauce, or once it was baked potatoes with cottage cheese. It’s cereal again but these ruts aren’t always healthy foods. Peanut butter has been reoccurring for as long as I can remember. I really need to start eating more variety, especially for running if I want to be at the top this track season. Also, because I’m a vegetarian, vitamins should be coming from food, not a pill…I haven’t even been good with taking my multi lately anyway…The following list are foods that I sometimes like (because of ruts) and wish I would start eating more:

oatmeal
yogurt
baked potatoes
sweet potatoes
salsa
FF refried beans
corn tortillas
light cheese sticks
salsa
vegetarian soups
spinach/romaine salads
carrots
apples
oranges
berries
walnuts
almonds
stir-fry
egg beaters
cottage cheese
WW/MG English muffins

more to come…

oh, and toaster pastries (cheapies of poptarts) are my new favorite thing, as well as kid’s cereals, and pb and butter on white bread (it tastes very good though trust me).
I think one of the reasons why I not only binge eat, but also eat like crap is because these kinds of foods are in my home. Sounds like a double negative or something but I don’t want to go grocery shopping….which I should for good foods….because then I will be more “excited” to eat them. Fuck that. I have food sitting up there in the cupboard that I haven’t ate because it’s not a part of my rut. I also don’t want to go to the store because I don’t want to be tempted to be cereal, aka a rut food. Everything just fcking contradicts w/each other; that’s why I can’t wait to go back to school, my home away from home, and be able to solve all these problems. Get back on track. Have foods that I NEED to eat, that are the ONLY ONES THERE to eat….Alright bed time. I have a feeling this goal is going to take a really long time.