I wouldnt say Im gullible. I just hold onto hope for far too long… thinking a happy ending will come but it never does.
Id been hoping that him and I would become something more but we go from bestfriends to strangers as often as night becomes day.
and I cant go on like this any more. I need to face facts that we will never be. I need to stop fooling myself.
Maybe he did care. Maybe he didnt mean for this, whatever this is to become whatever it has. Maybe he regrets it. Im learning to accept that.
I need to be honest with him so I can move on. I need to open up for the last time.
I told someone about the volatile relationship I have with my sister yesterday… it was harder than I thought. I didnt really go into too much detail as I always get uncomfortable talking about myself for too long. Plus I didnt want to come across as petty and immature so theyd look down upon me. Nor did I want to colour their view of her before theyd even met… but I still wanted them to side with me.
Its weird, I have this fear that if I ever meet someone and bring them home, theyll meet either of my sisters and like them more than they do me. Even worse, they might only stay with me to get to know them more… its probably irrational but I cant help it.
I was asked by a friend to read over a book she’d written and after months of work and deadlines I was finally free enough to dedicate my full attention to doing so.
I really tried but as bad as it may sound I got to the point where I just couldnt bring myself to read any more. Its not a personal thing, I was massively flattered that she even considered me to read it for her but I have a thing with depressing themes and I dont like to willingly put myself in a position where I have to force read or watch things like that.
Having no clue as to the genre or theme of the story before starting, I found that the melancholic tone was having a detrimental effect on my mood and had to confess to her that I wouldnt be able to persevere with it. She seemed okay about it, although, only time will truly tell.
I am an honest person, but Im not open… you might be wondering how that is even possible?
The thing is, I can tell you what I think but I cannot confess to how I feel. That is the problem.
Im scared to open up and be vulnerable. I have been working on this goal and with each person I get to know I try to take it a little farther but sometimes I think Im too honest about the wrong things. If someone was to ask me if I like them my response would be to explain myself rather than give them a straight answer, ask them back, act nonchalant or make it a joke.
I have a massive defence mechanism when it comes to expressing feelings.
Its confusing and not at all helpful I dont think. I guess Im scared of getting hurt or rejected. But this goal links together so well with the find love goal that I have to work on improving, if Im to have any chances of keeping that special someone.
Of course the right person would understand and not pressure me but liking someone and being able to express that to them without fear is ultimately what I want to accomplish here.
Well, we are still speaking… Ive wanted to meet up for a while now, I think Im more nervous than I was before.
I think I need to be more honest with myself if I plan to be more open about how I feel…
but I like a guy, Ive been talking to him for a little while now but find myself holding back from admitting to him how much. Instead Im working on being open in other ways… through compliments etc
Its very early days and may not go anywhere past friendship… but hes lovely so Id be happy either way so long as my inability to share feelings doesnt get in the way. :)
Does admitting your feelings for someone count… because if that is the ultimate goal I dont know if I can really do this. I find it extremely hard to let people know that I like/fancy them- I think its because I have never gained anything except humiliation from doing so. But I know some people need reassurance and right now Im not in a position to do that.
Im trying really hard with this one. I think itll be good for me to open up to people more… Im sure I recall people I know commenting on it in the past and it may possibly have affected my relationships with people if they have no idea what Im thinking or going through.
So Im attempting to let people in a little more. A couple days ago I shared the story of the loss of my cat with someone… wow, I didnt think it would be so difficult, but then its not something Ive ever really discussed with anyone- I didnt think anyone would ever understand, but Im glad I did it.
I was able to pinpoint and express exactly how I felt about a certain situation that was bothering me where normally I would have just shrugged it off and acted as though everything was fine. I feel much better about having done so… it may even help those i spoke to, to understand where Im coming from and how certain things affect me in the future.
to be open with people who do not seem to care.
I guess this site is a stepping stone, it allows you to open up somewhat free from judgement.