take more social initiative and become better about reciprocating social invitations

I returned a call from a old friend who knew me from a time when things were going better. It took me three days to call back. We had a really good conversation. The only harsh judgment I experienced was my own self-criticism while I debated whether to call back.

Withdrawal from others who care about you is a dumb thing to do, especially when done only to keep your self-image from being buffeted. And it may not even happen.

(1) Email, snail mail, phone: respond promptly to all.
(2) Don’t wait for the other person to resume contact. Make a list of people to keep up with regularly,
(3) Initiate at least 10 group social activities in the remaining year.
(4) Invite people over for casual socializing at least 4 times in the remaining year. (I seem to do all my socializing outside my apartment. It’s not always in a “visitor-ready” state!)
(5) Clean up a little each day so messiness is not a deterrent to having people over.
(6) Ask someone at work out to lunch at least once a week.

Me: “Goddamnit, I hate when the TSA employee interrogates you after you’ve gone through the gate. She was cute, though.”

Stranger behind me: “You idiot! She was flirting with you!”

I want to see where they live first.

My pretty much passive social life has had a sharp mysterious upturn after this post, no real action on my part. I do notice that, when I am invited out, I show up whenever I say I am a hale fellow, well-met, mix more than most people (that includes talking to strangers), and I am not the first to leave.

What I’m still crappy at is taking friendships and pseudo-romances beyond the jokey and superficial good time. Deeper relationships require more emotional depth and cultivation that I now provide. Probably harks back to the “fear of evaluation” theme that the shrink summed up my 1.25 hours total of psychotherapy with 12 years ago.