list 43 things about my grandma, so that I'll never forget

She is the reason for my family, she’s a huge part of who I am. She loved me, I loved her. I believe she is still looking out for me, for all of us, and I miss her still.

when company spent the night, she gave them her bed. She insisted they take her bed. She had a guest bed, but it wasn’t good enough for guests. I actually thought the guest bed was more comfortable (I like a really really soft bed) but she believed her bed was the best & insisted any guests sleep there.

Although I imagine she did, I never heard her complain about anyone. Ever. I guess she didn’t complain often, and she had the grace to complain to / in front of the right people. It’s a skill I have yet to learn, but I keep trying.

She was strong, in every sense of the word. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I never saw her beaten.

She was smart, but not educated. She raised a family, cooked all kinds of stuff, understood financial documents, argued with doctors (when she thought they were wrong) and still had a fear of bugs crawling in to her ears when she was asleep. Because they would crawl to her brain and lay eggs. And that’s what made you crazy – bug eggs in your brain. Funny, really when you think about it.

She had many names. Ones I remember:

Gram
Gramma
Grammmmmaaaaawwww!
Mom
Mum
Mother
Moo (in honor of the mu-mu’s she wore for a brief period of her life)
Ethel
“ESSELL”
Sunshine
Grandma Tippy-Toes

she had a way of making everyone feel like they were her favorite. (I’ve confirmed this with several cousins.) She made you feel like the favorite, but never made you want to brag about it, because you knew that was such a special place to hold, you didn’t need to brag about it. Does that make sense?

My point is, she made almost everyone feel that way. That’s special.

Her door was always open to family & friends. As she got older, and the neighbor changed, she got a little nervous about strangers sometimes. But where family was concerned, the door was always open. When, in my mid-20’s I moved to her town for about a year, the first thing she did was give me a key to her door. I told her I had an apartment, she said I never knew when I might be on her side of town & need to use the bathroom. I said “then I’ll knock.” She said “what if I’m not here?”

The only time she wasn’t there was when she was shopping. & if she was shopping, either my mom, an aunt or an uncle was with her. and she let us know in advance. “insert name here is taking me grocery shopping on Saturday.”

Holidays always centered around her home. Always. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter. If I think about any of those times, it’s my Gram’s house that comes to mind, her I see. I see her smiling, because after all her hard work, all those years raising kids, that was her reward. To have them all return to her, kids in tow, kisses all around. She still worked like crazy, cooking, cleaning, making sure everyone had their favorite things. But we all came back to HER, because she was our “Mum”, our “Moo”, our “Gram”, our “Essel Brown” —our anything we needed. She was home, and we always wanted to go there.

Been years, & I still miss her a lot. Always worse at Christmas. I can’t imagine how my mom & my aunts & uncles feel.

10 more to go, and I feel stuck. That make me sad. I really should have known her better. And it was MY job to know her better. She had 17 grandkids – she didn’t have to take the initiative!

Her middle name was Nadine, and that’s almost what she named my mom. In the end, she stuck to what she learned in her classes to convert to Catholicism. Her first son was Joseph, her first daughter (my mom) was Mary.