stop smoking weed

soon soon

Big chance to quit now. Have none and won’t have for 2 weeks. I’m hoping I can quit now as long as I don’t just start again when the dealer gets back. Will be hard but I feel determined to do this now.

I really need to stop getting stoned and going on ebay. I am so close to buying an original painting of a nude.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Signed-Original-Oil-Painting-Female-Figure-Seated-Nude-/250832402814?_trksid=p5197.m7&_trkparms=algo%3DLVI%26itu%3DUCI%26otn%3D5%26po%3DLVI%26ps%3D63%26clkid%3D602921508548459082

It’s a beaut.

This weekend has been a complete blur. Ran out now and going to try a few days off. Well got one left. I think the idea is to make a concrete decision and then stick to it. So that is what I’m doing, right now. As I’m smoking the last one…

I’m a bit scared about the amount of weed I’ve been smoking. Others have noticed it is excessive :/

Night off tonight, not by choice. Will probably struggle to get to sleep and have a pretty depressing night lying awake thinking about things. If I could go a few days I might have a chance of quitting. I still feel like it is imperative that I quit but my life is so miserable and boring that it just makes me want to smoke. Things really are shit. I’ve got no money, no girlfriend, I live with someone who doesn’t like me and I hate my job. Good times.

Still smoking, even though I’m aware of how it’s fucking me up. It’s really stupid, can’t handle the pressure of life without smoking though, really I can’t. I know it is a contributing factor but it becomes a kind of vicious circle. I feel low today.

Housemate just went mental at me for smoking their weed. Feel a bit bad and think I will have to stay out of their way for the foreseeable. Another wake up call.

Really need to crack on with this. Its actually been getting worse. I had one before work the other day, which I haven’t done for 8 months. And had one before I go to see my parents today. I don’t know why it has increased. I’m thinking it might be becuase of the anti-depressants making me feel I can handle it better and maybe because I think I’ll quit soon, may as well treat myself. But it can’t work like that. Starting again tomorrow. It should be the easiest thing in the world to do, all you have to do is not smoke but no one is going to force me not to. I’m not doing this for anyone else, only for myself which makes it harder.

It feels like weed is the only way I can connect with any kind of positive emotion. I know this is because I’ve been smoking it too long, nevertheless I don’t know if I will resist it tonight.