It’s hard to change when you’ve been a certain way for as long as you can remember.
I’ve made SO much progress from where I USED to be – but I’m still shyer than I’d like to be. And I’ve figured out that mostly, I’m only shy when I’m INTIMIDATED by people, which just happens to be a lot of the time lol If I’m around somebody prettier than me, or more outgoing or fashionable or funny, I kind of shut down because I don’t feel like I’m any of those things, and I’m like, “Fuck, I can’t compete with that, so why bother!” That, and it takes me a while to “warm up” to people, even with my best friend its taken some time to where I feel completely myself around him because he’s just so amazing to me and I have a HUGE inferiority complex where he’s concerned. But hey, thank god for him and his unending patience with my craziness lol
And as much as I realize that lifes not a competition to be better than anyone, these things still bother me. It’s just how I’ve been conditioned… Something strange to me though is that; I’ve started talking to this really nice girl in my ceramics class (which is a huge step in itself, talking to a girl!)and she’s totally the opposite of me, she’s really talkative. I told her how I was so shy most of the time, and she said, “God, sometimes I really wish I could be like that!!” I was like, Scuse me?
Thats a new one. But it was kinda humbling. Made me feel more okay with the way I am.
It’s always going to be a work in progress I think. But hey, one day at a time, right?