get my bmi back into the "normal" range (weigh less than 150 lbs)

today’s workout: day 1 of Jillian Michaels’ 30-day Slimdown

today’s food: 1/2 single-serving bag of sunchips, diet coke, double serving of crispex with milk, plum, DINNER

today’s motivation: to stop comparing myself other girls and feel confident that I AM BEAUTIFUL

today’s realization(s): 1- This is the first time I’ve started a fitness plan where the thought that “I’m not good enough to do it” hasn’t crossed my mind. 2- I drove home and did not feel uncomfortable (i.e. the fat folds around my sides/stomach didn’t hurt), meaning that dropping even a couple of lbs makes a difference!

I think my Wii Fit is a bit generous when it comes to the scale, but I’ll take it. Not being at 175+ like I thought I would be was quite motivating.

Still, last night I had the realization that I’ve put on about 45 lbs since high school. Seriously, how did that happen? I don’t want to be the fat girl that no one recognizes when I go back to town. And, shit, I’m moving back home in three weeks. Ugh.

So I’m stepping it up. Knock on wood. This morning I did 35 minutes on the Wii Fit (30 step aerobics, 5 balance). I feel gooooood. I have a good eating plan ahead for today (small breakfast, salad for lunch, bit of leftovers for dinner… no junk food!) and I couldn’t imagine a better way to start my day. Well, except maybe for sleep. But I’m going to give this Wii Fit a serious shot and see if I can’t get my weight back down below 170 in the next week or two. Wish me luck!

...I’m also not going to the Wings/Hawks game, but that’s because I can’t afford the tickets.

This morning I weighed in at 164. I’ve had moments where I weigh in heavy (almost 170), but for the most part this is about my highest consistent weight. The half-assed running program I was doing before wasn’t cutting it in terms of exercise, and I haven’t been committed to a healthier eating plan. No wonder I’m not succeeding.

Last night I had the same revelation I have from time to time, though, – that the times where I’ve lost the most weight in life, I haven’t exactly been trying to lose weight. It was more of a lifestyle change (an increase in activity in my daily life) that contributed to the awesome weight loss.

... which means I need a game plan… a serious game plan that I can stick with and that can become a part of my lifestyle. My boyfriend and I were talking about all of the things we’d like to do together once we’re living near each other – like mountain biking, playing tennis, and hiking. Awfully ambitious for two people who are pretty out of shape, but all activities that interest us. I need to step it up before then, though – I can’t just keep waiting for the weight to fall off.

I will work on creating a plan this week and implementing it no later than December 15th. Yay.

(On a side note, my boyfriend’s about to kick my ass on our “fitness challenge,” which is kind of bullshit. He has put on about 10 lbs, but it’s not really muscle – he’s just been eating more. Not fair, but we never really made any rules for our challenge. Oh, well.)

I gained weight. The scale was near 170 (maybe 168) yesterday afternoon, but since then has gone back to around 164. Right now (at the end of the day) that’s where I’m weighing in. Hopefully I’ll be a bit lighter in the AM.

But with all of the stress of working long days, I’m eating more and working out less. That, on top of a family weekend centered around going out for meals… yeah, not conducive to losing weight.

This sucks, because I wanted to drop another 5 lbs before my cousin’s bachelorette party this weekend, and I’d be lucky to get back to my steady 161 by then.

Also, I have 51 days to reach my goal. 15 lbs in 51 days? That’s about 2 lbs/week. I’d really have to kick it into gear to make it work. I don’t want to give up, though.

I can’t really think about this until Sunday. I’ll try and keep the eating in check until then, but I MIGHT be able to squeeze in ONE run during this time. It’s gonna be a rough week.

Sigh…

I haven’t even hit a plateau – I just haven’t made a dent yet.

For the past few days I’ve stopped fluctuating between 161 and 165… and I’m settling right around 162. I still feel fat. I feel uncomfortable sitting here as I write this.

I’m going for a run…

Daily Calorie Use Calculator

• Here’s how many calories you burn in 24 hours: 2,444

• This is how it breaks down:
• Walking to work or class for 60 minutes: 248
• Eating for 40 minutes: 62
• Sitting quietly (in a car or bus) for 35 minutes: 36
• Office work, writing for 500 minutes: 932
• Dressing, grooming for 70 minutes: 181
• Eating for 30 minutes: 47
• Watching TV or movie for 120 minutes: 124
• Reading (sitting) for 30 minutes: 40
• Lying back (reading, talking) for 40 minutes: 41
• Cooking for 15 minutes: 39
• Housework, light (cleaning) for 20 minutes: 52
• Talking while sitting for 30 minutes: 47
• Sleeping for 7 hours and 30 minutes: 419

• Your resting energy usage is 1,490

That’s how many calories you burn if you did nothing but lie in bed or sit quietly all day. Surprised? About two-thirds of your energy is spent on maintaining your body.

The boyfriend and I are entering into a competition. We both want to get into shape, but ultimately he wants to add weight and I want to lose. I weigh more than him right now, which does not sit well with me. And although I don’t think it bothers him that I’m heavier, I think it does bother him that he weighs less (if that makes sense). So we came up with a way of challenging each other to reach our respective goals. The first person to surpass the 1/2 mark between our two weights wins.

He originally said it’d be whoever had the sexier stomach, but for me that’s a looooooong way down the road. So I figured we could start with this goal and work our way up. So I will kick his ass when I get down to 153 lbs! What incentive, haha.

and I’m still sitting not-so-pretty around 160+. Ick.

It’s funny (well, not really) because in other areas of my life, I talk about not wanting to sit around and wait for my life to start. But with this, I just can’t seem to get it into gear. Last night I was feeling a bit hopeful, and I anticipated getting up early to go for a run… but when 6 am rolled around, it didn’t happen. Around 7 I decided I really did want to go for a run, but by then it was too late.
Then I said I’d eat healthy. But I obviously have no willpower. I went to Dunkin Donuts to get my morning iced coffee and somehow ended up ordering two donuts to go along with it (I only ate one, though, and much as I want the other blueberry cake donut sitting on my desk right now, I think I’ll just throw it out!). Then my coworkers got Chipotle for lunch, so I had a burrito instead of my planned Lean Pocket. Why can’t I just force myself to eat the good-for-me things? There’s been an apple in my desk drawer for a week – why haven’t I touched it? Why is it that hard? Running or working out will only take an hour out of my day (including getting dressed, stretching, and showering). And I’ll feel so much better knowing I’ve done it. So why have I only worked out once in the past few months?

One last shot at this goal. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. My life will be better not only upon accomplishing this goal, but after every time I do something that works toward this goal. Being a healthier person who works out on a regular basis will not only be good for my physical health, but I know it’ll help my mental health, as well. In the wise words of a Miss Elle Woods:

“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t!”

I want to be to my ultimate goal weight (probably 135) by next spring. Definitely by my boyfriend’s next family reunion, as that’ll probably be the next time I’d wear a bathing suit. But as far as reaching 149 lbs… how about by December 31st. That’s the absolute latest. I’ll work hard to beat that goal. But I definitely want to start the New Year off with a healthy BMI.

So how do I start? I go throw away my donut (which I just thought about eating – NO!). I go for a run when I get home tonight. I plan my meals a day in advance and STICK WITH THEM.

and I’ve failed a second time. I knew it was coming, but that’s never cool. I stepped on the scale this morning and it looked like it was around 160/161. That seems to be pretty consistent lately. Better than gaining. Not as good as losing, haha.

I’m not giving up hope. I continue to walk 2 miles everyday (to and from the trains… but it’s still walking… and it’s jogging when I’m running late :-). I TRY not to overeat or eat too much bad-for-me food. I’ll step it up one of these days, but right now I’m exhausted and honestly can’t think about it. But I’ll figure it out. How about a realistic goal of 155 by the end of August? Which means I really don’t have much time to screw around. I’ll try. I promise. I’m working on getting my mental health into shape… the physical should definitely go along with that.

I’ve been feeling a bit better about myself (physically) lately. I’ve been more active (yesterday I spent 10 hours walking around Chicago… a fluke, but awesome nonetheless!). I haven’t been eating as much. My friend and I took pictures yesterday and I didn’t look grossly fat like I have been lately. I don’t even want to step on the scale – the number doesn’t matter to me at this moment. I just feel like I’m making small, life-changing strides and that makes me (gasp) happy.