list my fears in an effort to vanquish them

• i am secretly lazy
• i won’t be able to get over my co-dependence issues or whatever they are in time to heal the damage already done to the relationship with my son
• my newfound spirituality will alienate my friends
• my hair and teeth will fall out (i have lots of dreams about this one)
• there is something under my bed that will grab my ankle when i get out of or into the bed during a middle of the night bathroom trip
• lake water (there are snakes in there and you can’t see them!!!!)

• having my closet door open when i sleep. too much like poltergeist. when i was 5 i thought king kong lived in my closet and hammerhead sharks lived under my bed. hey, what can i say? i had an active imagination!
• one of my beasties (2 cats 2 dogs) will give me worms
• i hate worms. even earthworms. the way they move is creepy
• i am turning into a crappy driver
• i won’t be able to forgive and love myself
• i will eventually go loony tunes crazy complete with insane muttering and unwashed body and hair
• i won’t make the most of and enjoy my time with my father while he is still here with us. that i won’t help him enjoy his time here.
• oh and the dark

Are you ready for this out there? Ok. deep breath.

• arriving at restaurants before the party i am meeting (reminds me too much of being the new girl at a school and having to walk into the cafeteria knowing no one will sit with you and boy, do i have experience with that!)
• people will “find out” that i am stupid and/or incapable
• i will never find a significant other that 1) i can find joy in and 2) that can find joy in me, even when i am obsessing about something as stupid as a cherry icee (because sometimes you just have to have one, ya know?)and will end up an old maid
• i missed out on my calling and now i will live a dry cardboard life that will mean nothing in the end
• i am so worried about finding someone as described above, that i will settle for someone other than that and be miserable
• maybe i don’t like myself that much, and can’t stand sharing my own skin, even though i am not entirely certain who i am anymore
• i have not been a good mother to my son (i know no one is 100% of the time perfect, but i worry that he will grow up and never want to talk to me again. perhaps i have read too much freudian psych)
• i won’t sleep tonight because i have been having trouble again because i am worrying about my job.

ok. i am tired. so that will do for now. i am off to worry about sleeping.